Kids: Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish...

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

agreeclassic 35 926

vote type 1 6 018

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By Sadmom - 17/09/2009 23:58 - United States

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/05/2019 17:15

Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML

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By confusedphotographer - 19/04/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

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By BeatenUpPup - 18/05/2009 12:22 - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:45 - Norway

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

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By GidleyWife - 30/07/2015 17:22 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

agreeclassic 937

vote type 1 303

There you go

By Anonymous - 04/07/2018 01:30

Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML

agreeclassic 3 946

vote type 1 1 591

Great start

By whytoday - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

agreeclassic 34 758

vote type 1 8 461

inthemillions 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:22

Uhm. Nail polish remover?

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:16

*simultaneously* Is it just me or is everyone thinking the sa- woah, that was weird o.o

Comments

MsSoulReaper 27

Wednesday 6 April 2011 1:13

Aw no more Skype for you.

theonlysweetpea 10

Wednesday 6 April 2011 1:17

Stop bitchin

SCrazy_fml 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 1:18

maximum security!

jessxoxo28 5

Wednesday 6 April 2011 1:22

lol aw, thats kinda cute. but so inconvenient

MuffyStJacques 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:12

Why is she out of her cage?

iwabo 9

Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:05

lulz

Mauskau 35

Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:21

When I was 3 I drank nail polish; be glad your daughter didn't, OP.

NCR 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:12

did you die?

rosebudmartin 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:49

haha that suck

jestling 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:13

its funny!!!! :D

xdust 4

Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:25

you can have it fixed

erickthesick 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:35

epic win xD

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I noticed that one of the kids selected for a test looked incredibly high. After he went into the bathroom and gave me his cup with his urine inside, I took a closer look… to see that the little shit had jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML

agreeclassic 28 416

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Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

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Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

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