Today I took a home pregnancy test, and it was positive. Only... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 04:18

Today I took a home pregnancy test, and it was positive. Only problem is, I had sex with my ex husband and the guy who asked me to be his girlfriend 3day ago, both in the same week. Now I don't know who the father is.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 98

Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

Sady_Ct 37

Tuesday 15 December 2020 23:00

Three days ago? Who were you sleeping with three weeks ago? That’s who the father is. A pregnancy kit measures hormone levels in your pee, changes won’t register high enough in three days.

JasonThorn 20

Sunday 13 December 2020 15:11

I would love to hear the "thought process" that led to this brilliant series of choices. Was alcohol or hard drugs involved? Deep infatuation with sex regardless of the partner? I really do want to know...

Comments

JasonThorn 20

Sunday 13 December 2020 15:11

I would love to hear the "thought process" that led to this brilliant series of choices. Was alcohol or hard drugs involved? Deep infatuation with sex regardless of the partner? I really do want to know...

Sady_Ct 37

Tuesday 15 December 2020 23:00

Three days ago? Who were you sleeping with three weeks ago? That’s who the father is. A pregnancy kit measures hormone levels in your pee, changes won’t register high enough in three days.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend invited me over to her family’s house for dinner. Every dish was packed with onion, garlic, pepper, and some spices I couldn’t even identify. I couldn’t actually taste the meat or the side dishes. All the nuance had been obliterated. I think they might not have taste buds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 329

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 157

You deserved it 2 921

Today, I realized how fucked I am (not). I'm a 26 year-old virgin waiting for love. No guy my age wants someone inexperienced. The older I get, the more ridiculous I feel. I masturbate way more often than I should and it's like my body is screaming for intimacy. I don't know WTF to do. Maybe I'll be the next 40 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 228

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 111 705

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 445

You deserved it 2 553

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 732

You deserved it 41 264