Intimacy: Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back...

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 07:12 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 935

You deserved it 5 180

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Same thing different taste

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 346

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 074

You deserved it 86 770

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 445

Not really the desired effect

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 043

You deserved it 21 079

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 870

You deserved it 3 692

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 553

You deserved it 13 132

By Anonymous - 25/05/2010 23:33 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 826

You deserved it 39 810

Shut up

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 20:00

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 351

Party hard

By vcarder - 04/10/2013 20:25 - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 984

You deserved it 43 219

christian1509 21

Sunday 8 November 2015 7:35

Dude **** her life, stop complaining just cause you didn't get some action, she's the one that actually got hurt

serslybro 20

Sunday 8 November 2015 7:27

Look on the bright side maybe you're cat knew something about her you don't. Your cat might have just saved you ;)

Comments

itsjustsofunny 17

Friday 13 November 2015 2:59

The pussy didn't want you to get any pussy haha.

anthony99 14

Saturday 14 November 2015 16:04

Change your cat's name to Mr. Cockblocksworth

LiefTZ 8

Monday 16 November 2015 12:57

it's kinda funny that you're pussy is what cost you to lose pussy.

pranil 14

Thursday 19 November 2015 21:37

not sure what to call this a **** block or a pussy block haha

mapthaflap 6

Saturday 21 November 2015 4:12

why do you have a cat in your own apartment??

luther48 20

Thursday 31 December 2015 14:39

Learn to control your pussy!

IronicDreamer169 8

Sunday 14 August 2016 6:36

You got **** blocked by a pussy...that is so perfect in a trainwreck kind of way.

wolfenstein42 1

Friday 23 December 2016 4:30

"Useless"? Dude, your cat probably saved you from THOUSANDS of STDs.

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