Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML
Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML
Today, I moved cities to live with the man whose baby I gave birth to two weeks ago. I found a bra that doesn’t belong to me in the dirty laundry hamper. FML
Today, my now fully vaccinated puppy went to a restaurant for the first time. They allow clean, well-behaved dogs. He threw up everywhere from excitement. FML
Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML
Today, I was just about done with my late-night shift at Ralph's. As I was about to put up my "Closed Lane" sign, an elderly women starts putting items on the conveyor belt. The cost was $14.79, and she paid with pennies. It took her ages to count them all, and I wasn't being paid overtime. FML
that bee was PISSED!
Why the hell would you aim at something other than the toilet in a port-a-john...I'm surprised you didn't piss all over yourself.