Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: Spicy!

Spicy!

By feeling dusty - 11/03/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 895

You deserved it 1 622

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Same thing different taste

Thin brown line

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 930

You deserved it 8 254

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 900

You deserved it 4 546

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 669

You deserved it 638

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 096

You deserved it 5 549

Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 903

You deserved it 603

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 1 809

By LoveLost - 09/07/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 286

You deserved it 2 798

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 284

You deserved it 402

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 807

You deserved it 7 463

Sexy time

By Not such a stud - 24/10/2025 22:00

Today, after a month's-long dry spell, my wife and I finally had sex. It was awkward and terrible, neither of us finished, and she muttered, "I don't know why I missed that" after we gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 86

Roberto G. Rodriguez 5

Saturday 24 February 2018 14:29

I hate to say it, but you and he deserve it...it has to go in areas where it can't get inside either of you (Can cause bad infections otherwise). Before trying new things look how to properly use them. Also have fun experimenting (you need it and it can lead to more fun)

Lobby_Bee 17

Sunday 11 March 2018 8:14

Put that penis in your mouth and the chocolate should melt away.

Comments

NicF13 2

Sunday 11 March 2018 17:29

probably should have read the instructions a little better

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 11 March 2018 17:57

I just checked my bottle of Hershey’s Syrup — it clearly says in bold print: NOT FOR GENITAL USE!

hugtrees13 16

Sunday 11 March 2018 18:10

So your husband experienced so much pain that he cried and all you care about is getting laid? **** his life. Pretty insensitive of you

Glowworm56 26

Sunday 11 March 2018 18:49

If you ever try this again, for the love of all that is holy, DON'T add sprinkles!

BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 11 March 2018 18:57

"Doc, i've gotten myself into a sticky situation..." "Okay, let me see h... Oh my God! Is that what I think it is?" "It's chocolate, I swear!" "Sure it is, shit-dick."

Donut_Wizard 23

Sunday 11 March 2018 20:59

Cockblocked by Hershey’s

ohsnapword 21

Monday 12 March 2018 4:31

Could be a lot worse. Only one of you could be having the dry spell.

Mechakitty 13

Monday 12 March 2018 12:59

I'm surprised you couldn't lick it off

jim 3

Monday 12 March 2018 19:50

what kind of ******* choco sause are yall using lmao

Tim Carver 9

Monday 12 March 2018 20:37

And you didn't use water to break it up because?

WeirdUS 29

Tuesday 13 March 2018 12:16

Ouch, and not getting any is what you took away from all this? Wow, maybe stuff like that's one of the reasons why you have a dry spell, to begin with. Hope your guy didn't tear his foreskin or something.