Alcohol, Drunk, Gross Work Night on the tiles

Night on the tiles

Anonymous - - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

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Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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The morning after the night before

college student - - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

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Mommy's little helper

Anonymous - - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

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Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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This is a low

Stella - - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

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Use the force

BlueMacaw - - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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Running late

SMV - - France

Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

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I hate myself

trixanne - - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

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Bonzer 2

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:45

"Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work..." YDI.

DocBastard 38

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:43

First you misspell "definitely", then you use "sneek", and then you go with "snook"? Really?? That's...I just...you... Can I just slap you?

Ajwc101 24

Saturday 21 July 2012 5:43

Next time don't get drunk.

skyeyez9 24

Saturday 21 July 2012 6:10

Did you butter up and eat a kitchen sponge too?

CamcAmIaM 10

Saturday 21 July 2012 6:19

Does it surprise anyone she's Irish?

Raelthelamb 31

Saturday 21 July 2012 6:20

I clicked YDI after reading the first sentence.

tobedd 13

Saturday 21 July 2012 7:23

As a non-American and someone who's worked in Ireland I totally feel your pain. Your life sucks, but at least you were able to sneak away early.

sleet7 4

Saturday 21 July 2012 8:05

This makes no sense. Is the FML about puking? If so then why mention leaving work early.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Saturday 21 July 2012 8:56

You deserved it. You're going to a pub on company time. And limit yourself with the drinks!

babalooisbabaloo 5

Saturday 21 July 2012 8:56

Seems like most of the FML's up here with the word "drunk" in them have YDI written all over them. I wonder why...

hellokeroppi 5

Saturday 21 July 2012 10:37

That's Irish for ya laddy

Sanch101 7

Saturday 21 July 2012 11:10

How is it an FML when the situation is entirely the result of their own actions? There is no bad luck or uncontrollable events here just some idiot getting blitzed and then puking as a result of their own stupidity.