Alcohol, Drunk and Kids: Future Darwin Award - FML

Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 626

You deserved it 4 923

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Same thing different taste

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 568

You deserved it 6 206

By StockedWithJuice - 06/07/2013 15:14 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 818

You deserved it 5 339

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 519

You deserved it 6 588

By wah wah "you raised him" - 22/04/2014 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 814

You deserved it 5 270

Smells like…

By BobsBabe2 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 617

You deserved it 2 936

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 954

You deserved it 4 647

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 928

You deserved it 4 590

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 778

You deserved it 6 031

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 061

You deserved it 6 253

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, my son tried my year great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 126

Next

Top comments

josh7279 7

Monday 4 November 2013 8:24

Wow your son is that desperate?

Mike09220 14

Monday 4 November 2013 8:30

Natural selection.

Comments

JMichael 25

Monday 4 November 2013 12:21

Umm..is he retarded?

Goblin182 26

Monday 4 November 2013 13:17

Desperate or stupid?

xxxkassixxx 8

Monday 4 November 2013 13:49

That is the new thing. Lol xD 21st century kid problems

hobojo69 23

Monday 4 November 2013 15:27

Like why would he even do that to be cool, I mean he wouldn't look cool when he tells everyone he got drunk off aftershave he would look like an idiot!

mythicaltimes 15

Monday 4 November 2013 15:59

he'd only try that once

BobbieH 19

Monday 4 November 2013 16:42

You should treat this seriously. This could be simply an episode of stupid experimentation, however it can indicate a much more serious issue. If your son is already sneaking alternative means to get drunk, he probably has issues with alcohol. You should be aware of possible drug use as well.

8born8 18

Monday 4 November 2013 19:15

Why?!?! Just.... WHY?!?!???

anchorsaweigh003 13

Monday 4 November 2013 20:10

parenting: you're doing it right!

buckdharma 37

Monday 4 November 2013 21:49

You must disinKlein him or he will surely deKlein!

esigmond 2

Monday 4 November 2013 22:08

It's your own damn fault for raising a stupid ass son

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Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 395

You deserved it 7 623

Today, I was set to meet my friends at a new, trendy café. I arrived early, eager to impress, but ended up walking into the wrong café and got stuck for an hour engaged in a disturbing conversation about serial killers with a total stranger who'd deludedly mistaken me for a long-lost friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 304

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 3 818

Today, I was running to catch a bus and when I finally got on, the driver closed the door on me. My arm is now entirely purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 352

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 034

You deserved it 6 025

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 386