Weird

Unreasonable demands

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 06:01

Today, my girlfriend was mad I have so many female contacts in my phone and demanded I delete some of them. Two thirds of them are blood relatives, the rest are coworkers, and one is a friend I’ve known since primary school, who is dying of a brain tumour. Which exactly should I delete? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 138

Piss off

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 12:00

Today, I had to deal with my crazy new neighbour who tried to physically stop me from laying my new driveway, on my property, because she claimed she’s allergic to cement while it’s still wet. Even if that were true, piss off back to your house away from the wet cement then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 101

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 273

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 699

Early bird booze special

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 18:00

Today, I received an invitation to a Happy Hour happening tomorrow. It's at 6 a.m. How am I supposed to drink at 6 a.m.? FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 212

Sure, come on in…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 681

You deserved it 1 665

Dating apps suck

By probablydeadbymidnight - 01/07/2012 22:57 - United States

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 417

You deserved it 7 821

Who are you?

By forgotten - 02/10/2009 07:46 - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 542

You deserved it 2 858

Shut-in for the win

By Laura - 14/03/2022 05:36 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, a woman tried to break into my home, assaulted my housemate and carer, because our nasty neighbour is spreading rumors that we are reporting the whole street to the council. We are both shut-ins, we don't know anyone, all cause we own dogs but they sleep a lot due to ill health, so WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 199

Laura-Marie Catmom tells us more.

Laura-Marie Catmom 8

Monday 14 March 2022 6:22

Op here we did report her but the police are useless.

It's a sign!

By unknown951 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 4 830

Red flag

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 16:03

Today, my boyfriend and I went clothes shopping for an upcoming wedding trip to Mexico. He wanted a dressing room fashion show to approve what I would buy. I’m 40. Last time I did this, I was in grade school. Maybe I shouldn’t go on the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 198

It's not you it's me

By mei - 02/06/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out I’m a firstborn. My last boyfriend broke up with me because my hair blows in my face when the car window is down, and the one before that broke up with me because I only sleep with one pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 222

Better off

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I took a walk without asking for permission. He thought guys would be hitting on me the entire walk, and that I chose to go alone to pick up numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 180

Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 983

You deserved it 5 430

Chillaxed

By xXxXxTOBIxX - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Raleigh

Today, while relaxing in a chair in a shop, a man approached me and said, "You have no idea how many times I've farted in that chair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 4 695

Hanging on by a thread

By fml - 23/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was standing in line when the lady in front of me stepped out of the line. I made a comment about how rude she was for doing that, and she immediately burst into tears because she “didn’t know it was rude to do that.” A grown woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 833

Thanks Aldi

By *Chomp* *Chomp* - 26/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out that if you put tea bags into a cup of hot water, the tea bags will melt. The result: You get to drink and chew tea leaves at the same time, with little bits of actual tea to help make them go down. 0/10, do not recommend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 503

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 21:30

Today, and for the last 4 days, my 19-year-old son has been wearing a metal full face skull helmet and a black robe, and has renamed himself Beast. He also bought a sword from god knows where and refuses to leave the house, because the outside scares him. I may need an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 243

Waste of time

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Palm City

Today, at around 11 p.m., the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 1 627

Hey there cutie

By meow - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 745

You deserved it 5 018

Weird party

By Username - 19/02/2011 07:57 - China

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 479

You deserved it 6 933

You sure it's just the posh name?

By hyphenated - 26/05/2022 10:00

Today, for what seems like the thousandth time, one of my new friends has cut me out of their life after I told them my last name. It’s hyphenated and I’m a woman, which means I'm “automatically” a stuck-up bitch. I'm not married, I was born with this last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 162

Tonight, on 'First Dates'…

By Anonymous - 17/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 138

Freak

By micahmatt - 26/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 474

You deserved it 5 054

By Anonymous - 25/02/2017 21:45 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to a customer that she couldn't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 832

You deserved it 441

Who'll tell him?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2023 12:00 - Japan

Today, the girl I like said she was out drinking with a friend. I'm pretty sure she has been lying about all the times she has "fallen asleep" and could not talk, and is actually seeing other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 835

Cool your boots

By Milky Ilky - 10/02/2022 14:00

Today, my sister started lactating through her shirt post-breastfeeding at a family brunch. My husband, who gets turned on by pregnant women since he gets the most action during my pregnancies, visibly ogled her at the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 740

A right bunch of berks

By Anonymous - 25/09/2022 02:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 1 315

Roommates from hell

By why me? - 11/03/2014 07:21 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 761

You deserved it 3 374

Mega hair

By allergiesbegone - 27/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, I realized my "year-round allergies" might have been the result of a nearly 2-inch nostril hair I trimmed out last week. Years of constant sneezing and leaky nose with no medicine helping it, suddenly gone. I can't believe I've suffered half my life thinking I had super allergies, over one stray nose hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 182

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The Top

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 043

You deserved it 3 410

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 145

You deserved it 6 064

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 249

You deserved it 5 065

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 183

You deserved it 5 548

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 300

You deserved it 9 232

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 320

You deserved it 4 023