Poopoo peepee

Spanner in the works

By .......... - 07/06/2015 09:46 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 769

You deserved it 2 760

Alanis, we've got another case!

By Arghh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 435

You deserved it 3 447

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 181

Das wat u get hoomin

By Ray - 13/08/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap… where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 129

You deserved it 2 462

Don't call the cops

By Elizabeth - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 622

You deserved it 27 161

Repetition

By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - 22/02/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 335

Chemical warfare

By Yurgh - 19/12/2024 11:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 153

Nature isn't healing

By my butt is lava - 19/08/2023 14:00 - United States - Custer

Today, I was on a nature hike and had to use the bushes as a restroom. In doing so I stepped on an ant hill and ended up with my shorts around my ankles, dancing the Twist to fend off the ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 204

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 468

You deserved it 9 423

It doesn't get better as you get older

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 09:00

Today, I woke up with a stinky smell piercing my nose. Yesterday there was a party at my boss’s house, where I got super drunk and passed out. When I regained consciousness, I realized my panties were wet, my pants were wet, and, of course, the bed was wet. I’m 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 389

So sweet

By Aislinn - 12/02/2022 12:01

Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 197

Compromising situation

By anonymous - 16/07/2011 13:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 743

You deserved it 4 974

Doesn't everyone do this?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my boyfriend takes so long in the bathroom. Apparently he has a system for shitting he’s very OCD about: he has to be naked in case poo touches any of his clothes, he has to wipe stood up with one leg elevated, and the whole process takes 10x longer than it should. FFS! FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 128

Doggy dog world

By this means war! - 19/02/2022 14:00

Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 232

Panic!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 516

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 161

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 440

Heartwarming story

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had no choice but to shit himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he'd pooped in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 760

You deserved it 5 448

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 3 253

Silver-brown linings

By Isa - 22/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a couple of weeks ago. The upside is that the diabetic meds I've been prescribed help with weight loss. The takeaway? Diarrhea. Lots and lots of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 122

Both ends

By not having fun - 03/05/2022 18:00

Today, I have bronchitis. A few days ago, my doc prescribed antibiotics, which are helping, but also cause a really nasty upset stomach. I tell ya, violent coughing fits and severe diarrhea do NOT go well together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 89

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 390

Work sucks

By Anonymous - 08/07/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 431

You deserved it 2 648

There's always that one dude

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 16:00 - Ireland

Today, it was my second day at my new job. The bathrooms have urinals, and I usually get bladder shy while using them, but I thought, "When in Rome…" That's when my manager came in, stood at the urinal next to mine, dropped his pants and boxers around his ankles, and started talking about sports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 113

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 04:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 215

At one with nature

By Anonymous - 27/12/2024 05:00 - United States - Florence

Today, I woke up groggy as hell because my Rottie kept growling at something all night long. I went to get coffee in a daze and saw mouse shit floating in my brew. I cleaned up after the bastard mice, then stepped in coyote shit on my way to the newly dumped-over and shredded garbage cans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 218

Always check!

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 06:00 - United States - Bayonne

Today, after eating some fire noodles the day before, I took a nice long poop in my school's bathroom, only to find out there was no toilet paper left in any of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 238

Lingering smells

By UptoHERE - 04/02/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 512

You deserved it 2 295

Limited edition prank

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 714

You deserved it 4 327

HEEEELP!

By babysitter - 24/06/2010 21:38 - United States

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 4 962

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The Top

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, the only response I got was, "You may want to use a spellcheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 056

You deserved it 26 303

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 032

You deserved it 1 027

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 377

You deserved it 590

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 644

You deserved it 44 464

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 3 687

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 319