Health

Crying

By The poor bees - 02/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a gathering at a friend's place. He had a bottle of "mead", which I tried and loved. Only after drinking two glasses did I learn that "mead" is made from honey. Eight years of dedicated veganism down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 1 249

Leaps and bounds

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I'm well aware that this is my own fault, but I went to a friend's house after working late. Ran towards the friend's front door and hit my head a tree limb that I didn't see. Flipped over, landed on the lawn, and blacked out for a minute. I got up, was dizzy, tripped, and fell on friend's porch. Second concussion in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 166

Admit defeat

By Ugh his ego - 01/02/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 790

Not a med student

By indefiniteforest - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh… That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 591

You deserved it 624

Step one: admitting we are powerless

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to start controlling my drinking and he told me pretty much that he didn’t think I could do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 389

Whta? How? Why?

By pregz - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 2 696

Self own

By Anonymous - 30/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, thinking I was pretty healthy, I signed up for a 5K run. I didn’t train at all, thinking, “How hard can it be?” Halfway through, I realized I was in way over my head. I ended up walking the rest of the race, and a 70-year-old man lapped me twice. To make it worse, my friends made a banner that said, “Congratulations on Not Dying!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 712

Snoopy

By poorbeauty - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 728

You deserved it 2 913

Thanks Mom

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 23:00 - Ghana

Today, it was confirmed that I have ADHD and moderate OCD. My mom thinks I do it on purpose to seek attention. I'm shy, and I don't even like people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 105

Gross idea

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 238

You deserved it 3 045

Bootstraps

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 01:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I saw that Trump is cutting funding to Medicaid and freezing the portals everywhere. Medicaid covers the medicine I need to stay alive, and I can't afford it otherwise. I'm only 25, I don't want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 179

The more you know

By Jeff - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 3 529

Chubbyemu vibes

By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, it's been three months since I had a GI virus. In this time, all the tests I've done so far came out negative at the doctor's. I've changed my diet, haven't drank alcohol, nor was I a habitual drinker. The bouts of nausea and vomiting keep coming back on random days. I cannot get the right amount of nutrients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 63

You've pulled

By Anonymous - 27/01/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some fun at around 3:00 am and during our fun I flipped her over quite roughly and, as she landed on the bed, I'd accidentally dislocated her shoulder. For the next 2 hours we didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or her sister, so we had to put it back in place ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 406

Local attraction

By Jefferson - 27/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 515

My life is average

By Karen - 24/01/2025 16:00 - United States - Solon

Today, I fell asleep while watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. I then had an extremely vivid dream that I was going after Russian spies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 129

Pay attention

By That_Indian_Guy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oviedo

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 294

You deserved it 9 730

Frozen

By Cold!!! - 23/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Steele

Today, thanks to a wonderful -40°F wind chill (I'm in the Midwest), I woke up this morning to a freezing cold house. I had to wear my shoes, a coat, and gloves. Indoors. For the whole morning and most of the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 105

What even is normal?

By Anonymous - 22/01/2025 15:00 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after months and months of trying to get my blood pressure back up to normal, and try to get back to optimal health, my doctor told me I'll never get better for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 66

Ewww, gross

By Raisin Brain - 22/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 141

Early warning

By Hoover - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was "faking" a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 520

You deserved it 428

Good morning!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if…" as he flung it around, and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 230

You deserved it 269

Fully relaxed

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 134

Fight or flight or…

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 01:00 - Australia - Yarrambat

Today, after just returning to work from recovering from an e-scooter crash, a man raced through a red light on his e-scooter while I was crossing the road, and nearly collided with me. If I hadn’t frozen in place, he absolutely would have. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 96

Fidgeting

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 92

Time is running out

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 10:00 - Australia

Today, at the age of 36, I had to write up my will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 104

Squatters' rights

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 16/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my garage and decided to put my motorcycle helmet on with the strap, to see if it still fits. A huge spider crawled down the inside of the helmet and I freaked out trying to get the strap off. I then tripped on my daughter’s scooter and dislocated my left pinky toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 187

Confused

By Good to know - 16/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that, despite the name, it is indeed possible to get swimmer's ear without ever actually going swimming. Am I dumb, or am I right to be confused? I suppose it could be worse, but… how? FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 150

Memento

By Sips - 15/01/2025 21:00 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I have problems with my memory. I asked a teacher if I could let my class know a bit about it. The teacher said I'd already told my class about it. My class had even asked a few questions to me about it. I don't remember anything about it. Maybe it didn't happen and the teacher just lied to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 105

Gotta start somewhere

By Anonymous - 15/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Gary

Today, I went outside to start jogging for improving my ever declining fitness. A kind stranger yelled, “You’re doing great!” as I was wheezing after my first block. I was sitting on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 109

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The Top

Today, I poured gas around my house for pest control. I can still smell it from inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 1 916

Today, I slipped into an ATM vestibule quickly without a mask. The place smelled like the antiseptic at a doctor's office, so I figured, "What could go wrong?" Not more than 6 hours later, I found out that I’m sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 931

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 404

You deserved it 6 561

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 268

You deserved it 1 764

Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 133

Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 140