Health

Thanks, but no thanks

By hoping to live to see next year - 29/07/2018 15:00

Today, my son surprised me by waking me up to be first to greet me a happy birthday. He was with his marching band buddies in full battle gear, playing the chorus of Stars and Stripes Forever. In my bedroom. At 5 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 543

You deserved it 677

By tbree - 19/09/2014 22:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 075

You deserved it 4 480

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 21:58 - United States

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 866

You deserved it 2 742

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 94

Escapism

By ChemoInReno - 25/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Point Piper

Today, I am still recovering after my second round of chemotherapy. You’d think I’d be able to rest instead of making lunch and dinner for our kids, and cleaning the house. But no, my wife says that would mess up her day. Which is centred around an 8-hour M*A*S*H marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 20:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 535

You deserved it 1 873

Soul Train

By Anonymous - 08/05/2023 06:00

Today, I went to my first ever party as a freshman, with friends from my dorm. There was a dance floor, and despite never having danced in public before, I put my best efforts into my dance moves… only to end up dislocating my knee. It's safe to say I won't be winning any dance contests anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 194

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2026 12:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I got my mom (who is a diabetic) a set of sugar-free chocolates for Mother's Day. Everything was fine on that day, and my mom decided to share them since I bought a good sized box. I was perfectly fine, but my mom had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the day. I'll never buy THOSE again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 105

By greeple - 10/09/2012 16:19 - Singapore

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 783

You deserved it 12 799

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 17:00

Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 146

Stay out of trouble, kids

By Anonymous - 14/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I complimented a woman on her "beautiful pregnancy glow" at the grocery store. She wasn’t pregnant. She was holding a melon. I’ve never backed out of a conversation so fast in my life. Note to self: Don't go grocery shopping after a night of drinking and no sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 747

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 233

You deserved it 4 571

Grief hits us all differently

By Nasty - 12/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I just realized the last time I showered was while my grandma was still alive. My grandma died four months ago. Depression really does a number on you without you noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 331

Help !

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 151

You deserved it 5 655

By ms piggy - 15/12/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 034

You deserved it 43 132

The big day

By somethingblue - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lowell

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago, I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day… and woke up with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 746

You deserved it 3 460

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 906

You deserved it 5 669

By gothicvamp93 - 04/01/2015 06:46 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 197

You deserved it 2 386

GHOSTS!

By WTF - 09/01/2023 00:00

Today, I was woken up by my TV falling down. Good news: It still works. Bad news: I don't know how it happened, so I'm worried it could happen again at any time and potentially break for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 809

Creepy crawlies

By John - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 3 086

By Anonymous - 17/09/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 447

You deserved it 24 121

By BrefODM - 13/06/2014 03:15 - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 975

You deserved it 7 533

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 749

You deserved it 4 844

Red cheeked

By RedHatKat - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 850

You deserved it 1 938

Self-confidence boost

By Uri - 12/06/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was jogging with my shirt off, feeling confident and athletic. A car slowed down next to me. I expected a compliment, but instead, a kid leaned out the window and yelled, “Put it back on, Shrek!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 163

Numb to the pain

By sorenips - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 547

You deserved it 3 979

Thanks for the support!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 250

Phones are bad for you

By Katie - 14/05/2024 20:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 181

No excuse

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 14:01

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 254

Caught short

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 980

You deserved it 3 404

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The Top

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 908

You deserved it 42 002

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 014

You deserved it 28 150

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 745

You deserved it 2 583

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 210

You deserved it 481

Today, my crazy ex has scared off yet another great woman. Thanks to all the douchebags that use “crazy ex” as an excuse to for their own shit behavior, no one believes me that mine is legitimately crazy. I didn’t cheat or mistreat her, I left because of her control and jealousy issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 114

Today, I microwaved leftovers in a container I didn’t check. The lid wasn’t microwave-safe. It melted, fused to the food, and now I have what looks like a modern art sculpture instead of lunch. My coworker walked up, looked at it, and said, “Microplastics in our food are getting out of hand.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 492