The Top

OP here. So just to give some more information.. I open bags of chips upside down on purpose because I know it bothers people, ( it bothers my ocd too but it's funny ). The guy that slapped my chips down was actually a friend of a friend that I didnt recognize. My friend was inside laughing his ass off.. From the looks on peoples faces, they were horrified which is what made it even funnier. Btw yes I got some new chips ( which I also opened upside down ) and we even cleaned up our mess. For those of you wondering - flaming hot cheetos.

By DarkChild - 11/02/2016 22:18 - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 455

You deserved it 1 631

Rule 34

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 5 220

Are you experienced?

By still laughing - 28/08/2015 21:48 - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 527

You deserved it 5 120

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 795

You deserved it 1 186

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 360

By SkyrimGamerMoM - 14/07/2016 19:49 - United States - Verona

Today, I got lost in Darkfall Passage in Skyrim and got so frustrated I turned off the game and cried. Thank you pregnancy hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 842

You deserved it 2 117

SkyrimGamerMoM tells us more.

SkyrimGamerMoM 10

Friday 15 July 2016 19:59

No worries, end result is clear in my mind. This is number two I'm brewing here, have a one year old already. Just got to where I can enjoy games again though lol will have to take another long break once this little one gets here.

By Anonymous - 04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 437

You deserved it 703

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 198

You deserved it 1 748

By Nebraskawreck - 02/11/2018 20:01

Today, my boss told me I might get fired because I didn't break up a fist fight. I am over 7 months pregnant and both of the people who were fighting are bigger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 312

You deserved it 293

Night time entertainment

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 438

By 2pale - 01/11/2015 18:22 - United States - Humble

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 500

You deserved it 2 360

Someone's getting coal from Santa...

By Anonymous - 15/12/2017 15:00

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 002

You deserved it 291

By Phoenix2115 - 26/02/2018 17:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 476

You deserved it 402

#blessed

By Loney - 22/04/2018 19:00

Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 581

You deserved it 607

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 649

You deserved it 843

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 3 391

By grinded my life - 09/08/2018 04:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went on a blind date. I ended up meeting my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 034

You deserved it 308

Tone police

By Firstborn - 16/05/2017 19:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 293

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 258

You deserved it 2 669

By Sugartits - 08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 148

You deserved it 424

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 872

You deserved it 1 530

She's ready for Valentine's Day!

By dasdachs - 12/02/2018 11:14 - Slovenia

Today, while cleaning, I found a grocery bag with thongs in it. I took them out, smiled and jokingly asked my wife, who never wears them, if she's keeping secrets from me. Turns out she isn't and the bag is not hers. It's belongs to my 76-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 789

By angel grace - 15/02/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 199

You deserved it 263

By ToysforHire - 22/09/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 7 930

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 797

You deserved it 1 394

By notagoodjoke - 25/12/2016 01:01 - United States - Vincentown

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 2 248

Caught wet-handed

By Anonymous - 23/10/2015 20:10 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going." She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 2 498

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my husband is such a tight-wadded cheapskate that his idea of “taking the family out” is going to Costco to try all the samples. PS: Yes, I work too, so he’s not the only “provider", he’s just cheap and boring as all hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 144

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 150

You deserved it 7 287

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 4 134

Today, I sent a message to my crush saying, “Hey, how are you?” I immediately followed it up with another message that said, “Oops, wrong person,” because I panicked. Now he probably thinks I wasn’t even trying to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 619

Today, I went to make chilli and instead of just using 3 cups of water like the recipe called for, I ended up using 3 quarts somehow. Now I have a pot of hot and spicy meat water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 1 324

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 2 814