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Unsuitable suitor

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 18:30

Today, during a family reunion, my daughter accused me of being a racist because I won't let her date a black guy. I do not have a racist bone in my body, but this dude is an actual gang member, and he has killed people before. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 220

As good a time as any

By stephanie - 28/09/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 720

You deserved it 1 017

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 659

You deserved it 2 574

By michelle - 15/11/2015 15:21 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 405

You deserved it 2 874

Surprise!

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 631

You deserved it 653

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 658

You deserved it 32 084

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/09/2018 17:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 792

You deserved it 287

Standards

By "missnettymarie" - 12/05/2017 08:42 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I was told that I wasn't "long-term material" by a guy who has the words "white trash" tattooed across his knuckles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 291

You deserved it 2 308

missnettymarie tells us more.

missnettymarie 25

Saturday 6 May 2017 10:35

Hey OP here. Thanks for all the comments. They seriously made me laugh my ass off haha. The guy was/is actually a really great person and is very kindhearted. They tattoos are in no way an accurate representation of his character. When I made this post I was admitedly feeling all butt hurt and rejected so I guess I decided to be a dirt bag and post about it on social media. In all reality it wasn't that big of a deal and I have definitely since moved on.

By burnbabyburn - 11/11/2015 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 2 127

What day is it?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught my dad smoking the weed he grounded me for having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 396

You deserved it 1 281

By Anonymous - 09/04/2017 16:00

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 935

You deserved it 720

What the…

By EmbarrassedMess - 23/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 290

You deserved it 530

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 088

You deserved it 271

By IPad Loser - 08/09/2017 10:41

Today, my family thought it would be fun to replace my iPad with a better one while I slept. I had a project on there that I had been working on since the first day of school. They already wiped the old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 596

You deserved it 576

Renna303 tells us more.

Renna303 12

Friday 8 September 2017 4:06

Hey, op here. So all of you are saying that I should back up my iPads. I do back it up. It automatically backs up every 3 weeks. But when I posted this, school had been in session for 2 weeks. It backed up right before school started. I was able to get most of my other stuff back but just not the project.

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 816

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 609

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 716

You deserved it 1 286

By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - 14/10/2015 16:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 190

You deserved it 2 314

Being nice is so 1968

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 01:00 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 341

You deserved it 553

Toxic wasteland

By Cinderella - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 164

You deserved it 2 615

By footballist - 08/09/2017 23:15 - Poland - Polska

Today, I realized that all my teammates have bigger tits than I do. I'm the only girl on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 591

You deserved it 326

By hmacy - 01/10/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 638

You deserved it 548

By Jioune - 05/07/2016 21:56 - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 575

You deserved it 2 575

By nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 498

You deserved it 2 116

And you did it at my birthday dinner

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:00

Spicy

Today, after eleven years together, including eight years of engagement and three and a half months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her, because she's his "soul mate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 589

You deserved it 468

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 2 980

Nice try

By Local Welsh - 16/08/2018 18:30

Spicy

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 278

By anonymous - 20/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 885

You deserved it 30 432

Nervous laughter

By Anonymous - 12/03/2017 04:00

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 325

You deserved it 7 460

By Neuronerd - 19/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 333

You deserved it 384

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Today I was offered an opportunity on Instagram from a local lady to take photos of her home for her. I told my friends, because I was shocked. They were shocked too. But in the nicest terms possible, they were shocked because my Instagram "isn’t really professional enough to get such offers." Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 177

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 128

You deserved it 541

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 989

You deserved it 19 080

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 956

You deserved it 4 752

Today, I got a text from a cousin thanking me for always being nice to her. Bear in mind that this “cousin” basically bullied me as a child, all while I looked up to her. She’s gone through a very rough time recently, so I thought she'd sent me someone else’s text by mistake and I told her so. She replied, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 270

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 365

You deserved it 12 081