The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 14:56 - Netherlands

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 951

You deserved it 1 738

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 07:45 - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 734

You deserved it 1 546

By me - 04/11/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 726

You deserved it 54 906

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 173

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 341

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 15:10 - Canada

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 030

You deserved it 6 078

By Anonymous - 03/12/2014 17:06 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 611

You deserved it 46 459

OK?

By Habit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 198

You deserved it 10 306

By Bitchjackedmyball - 12/09/2012 08:52 - United States - Kihei

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine!" I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car, and they drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 567

You deserved it 5 564

By new 2 twitter - 10/01/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 629

You deserved it 1 605

Sounds neat

By danii - 05/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 125

You deserved it 65 086

Roleplay

By Anonymous - 03/08/2013 20:01 - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 172

You deserved it 9 220

Nostradamus

By really - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents told me they don't think I'll ever find a boyfriend, and insist on referring to my future cats as their "grandkids". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 397

You deserved it 3 348

By oldskoolfun - 26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 428

You deserved it 10 698

By KPKallery - 05/06/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 812

You deserved it 11 754

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 872

You deserved it 849

So close, but yet so far

By socks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 636

You deserved it 3 481

Rudolph is late!

By Lewis - 24/12/2018 19:00

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a reindeer? Wait... What?

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 60

Cost of living crisis

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 309

You deserved it 1 245

Lose-lose situation

By suckerrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought a top, along with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 606

You deserved it 14 758

Not now

By Anonymous - 06/03/2017 04:00

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 995

You deserved it 598

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 772

By ThatOneGuy - 28/04/2019 16:00

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 588

You deserved it 244

By prick - 30/10/2015 21:53 - United States - Dover

Today, as I rung up a customer's groceries, he gave me a pitying look and said I'd have a "real job" if I'd only studied harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 974

You deserved it 2 172

By instinct - 12/06/2013 03:06 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 846

You deserved it 78 314

Twins

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 01:06 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 958

You deserved it 2 955

Not cut out for this

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 02:10

Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 1 424

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 14:40 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 1 590

Considerate boyfriend

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 07:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 879

You deserved it 15 863

By drugdealersgf - 02/12/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 139

You deserved it 1 128

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 134

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 124

You deserved it 1 055

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 705

You deserved it 307

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 709

You deserved it 3 351

Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 118

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 940

You deserved it 41 682