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Boundaries

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 23:01

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 250

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 447

You deserved it 1 860

By again? - 15/03/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 452

You deserved it 2 515

By Scarred - 22/09/2018 12:00

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 105

You deserved it 320

Unfazed and dazed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 550

You deserved it 3 715

By Anonymous - 13/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, my cat peed on my long-term project so I had to stay up until 4 am doing the whole thing again... just for it to fall in the train tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 305

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 774

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 780

You deserved it 2 428

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 420

You deserved it 25 977

By SK8WITME - 12/02/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 144

You deserved it 6 803

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 16:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 403

You deserved it 1 831

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 05:00

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 252

You deserved it 338

The dipshit in 4B

By DookDaSpook - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 909

You deserved it 1 388

By Mick_The_Disappointment - 11/12/2018 15:30

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 211

By Helpless - 16/12/2018 14:00

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 949

You deserved it 415

By AustrianCow - 22/12/2015 21:45 - Austria - Linz

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced herself as, "I'm Petra. I'm completely normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 024

You deserved it 2 088

By LoveSick - 06/02/2019 04:00

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 595

You deserved it 254

By ouch - 20/02/2019 18:00

Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 663

By Kisuke_Urahara - 30/11/2015 02:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my Grandfather's funeral, my Grandmother decided it would be a good time to tell the story of the time she went to a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 140

You deserved it 1 784

Kisuke_Urahara tells us more.

Kisuke_Urahara 9

Monday 30 November 2015 17:31

Honestly, it was pretty funny. Just a little awkward at the time.

By Shoutout1011 - 15/04/2017 22:00

Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 646

You deserved it 480

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 20:03

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 410

By swedishdude - 14/11/2009 13:37 - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 025

You deserved it 36 941

By Mayrose125 - 29/11/2016 07:32

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 810

You deserved it 789

By Charley - 25/11/2016 10:44

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 905

You deserved it 3 104

By PinkMonkeys - 23/11/2016 18:33

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 626

You deserved it 894

Entitled much?

By Knittedbirch - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 208

You deserved it 1 772

By tdrtnlz - 11/05/2013 06:25 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 514

You deserved it 6 073

By King_of_Cha0s - 15/09/2015 18:05 - United States - San Jose

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 029

You deserved it 1 744

By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 727

You deserved it 2 137

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 05:45 - Indonesia - Bali

Today, whilst on holiday in Bali, I set off on my way to the day spa for 4 hours of much-needed relaxation. I tripped about a meter away from the entrance and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 587

You deserved it 305

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 332

You deserved it 3 838

Today, my ex messaged me on Facebook, wanting to be friends with benefits. I’m married now, and he just found out his wife is expecting. She discovered the messages, and I’m now the “home wrecker.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 114

Today, I ran into my ex at the mall. He’s married, with a 2 year-old. Three years ago he ended our 6-year relationship because he said he didn’t believe in marriage and kids. Sorry for not being good enough to achieve those things with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 231

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 289

You deserved it 13 823

Today, my FWB and I were on a road trip. His dumbass got us pulled over by the cops, and he decided it was the perfect moment to start fingering me. Worse yet, I got off in between visits from the cop. He took his license and ticket with his fingering hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 631

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and told him he could “say anything” to the nice old lady at the park who gave him candy. He looked her dead in the eye and said, “My aunt says people your age shouldn’t drive anymore.” She glared at me like I'd ran over her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 213