Free thinker - FML

Free thinker

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and told him he could “say anything” to the nice old lady at the park who gave him candy. He looked her dead in the eye and said, “My aunt says people your age shouldn’t drive anymore.” She glared at me like I'd ran over her cat. FML

agreeclassic 280

vote type 1 211

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Kids say the darndest things

By Chrissy - 14/09/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my niece. While we were at the grocery store, she pointed at me and loudly announced, “She says she’s on a diet, but she eats cookies in bed!” She wasn’t wrong. The cashier raised an eyebrow. FML

agreeclassic 256

vote type 1 164

Demon child

By never again! - 22/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was acting up, so instead of spanking him, I put him in the corner for timeout. He screamed and thrashed and kicked the walls so hard my neighbors called the police. My sister wasn’t answering her phone, and I had to explain why a 7-year-old was acting like that. FML

agreeclassic 1 101

vote type 1 129

Chilling

By BondingTime - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

agreeclassic 40 382

vote type 1 4 210

By Nick - 20/07/2013 19:37 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML

agreeclassic 61 249

vote type 1 5 121

By Che_likes_you - 12/12/2014 15:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

agreeclassic 32 148

vote type 1 2 863

Bat out of Hell

By ToxynneFlute - 05/09/2021 16:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, my kid threw a fit on our way home, wanting me to stop and call grandma. Why? Because she was convinced I was going to wreck the car, and grandma is a good driver who won't crash. When we got home, she stopped fussing, said, "Thank god, we're home," ran up to grandpa and said, "Mom's a scary driver." She's 3. FML

agreeclassic 855

vote type 1 394

Threat

By fuck you, kid - 16/07/2014 18:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

agreeclassic 57 366

vote type 1 4 018

Hey dude!

By Creepy stranger danger - 11/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML

agreeclassic 335

vote type 1 112

Little shit

By Tired mommy - 11/12/2025 00:00

Today, my son asked for candy at a supermarket checkout. I said no. He laid on the floor and began screaming as if I'd killed his pet rabbit. Other parents nodded at me in silent sympathy, while strangers judged me with their glares. I bought the candy. He still screamed. FML

agreeclassic 109

vote type 1 542

Thought crime

By Son of a BITCH - 21/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, while babysitting a 9-year-old boy, I stubbed my toe on a coffee table. I yelled, "SON OF A…" but managed to stop myself before saying the last part. The boy yelled, "You were gonna say bitch! I'm telling mom and dad!" and, despite my desperate attempts to dissuade him, he did just that. Guess who's fired. FML

agreeclassic 497

vote type 1 104

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Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 10 756

vote type 1 1 248

Today, I went on a date with a guy who was leaving the next day. I went out with the intention of a having a carefree good time, as a single parent I don't get many and they haven't been good in years. I ended up having the BEST night in a long time, we stayed up all night talking and pleasuring ourselves, now I don't know when I'll find that again… FML

agreeclassic 1 268

vote type 1 356

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

agreeclassic 2 122

vote type 1 214

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was OK, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 13 819

vote type 1 7 259

Today, my mom is mad that she went clubbing and not one single guy offered to buy her a drink, but a couple of women did, which just pissed her off even more. I should point out the club she chose is the biggest gay club in our city, but then she’ll probably switch to being mad at me. FML

agreeclassic 1 135

vote type 1 112

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

agreeclassic 25 683

vote type 1 21 047