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Hi, op here. Just want to clarify: The toothbrush is one of those circular, rotating tips. The "spinbrush," I believe. Second, I eventually cleaned out the bristles and got rid of the taste... in the morning. I slept with that taste lingering and it was horrible. This is just meant to clarify some things due to the lack of character space to type.

By Baegel - 02/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Havertown

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 926

You deserved it 2 379

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 79 120

By philosophicallll - 28/09/2015 20:25 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad introduced me as his pet orangutan. I'm a redhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 606

You deserved it 2 695

philosophicallll tells us more.

philosophicallll 25

Wednesday 30 September 2015 21:04

I know he was kidding. My dad has an amazing sense of humor and I love him very much, but unfortunately for him, the person he was introducing me to doesn't have a sense of humor at all. She now glares at my dad and yells at him whenever he makes any jokes about me. So karma did happen, no revenge needed.

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

By Rhett_15 - 01/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 958

Facebook used to be cool

By Anonymous - 21/08/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 548

You deserved it 18 925

By Raptorcake - 15/08/2016 12:50 - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 851

You deserved it 1 888

By WellOops - 18/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 9 718

By itsnotyouitsme - 20/04/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 326

You deserved it 35 340

By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 008

You deserved it 158 368

By girlsncomics - 28/04/2017 18:10

Today, I went out to get some medication and left my dog in the house because it was raining. When I returned, I found the tattered remains of video game cases scattered all over my living room floor. Most of them were limited editions that I'd been borrowing from my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 696

You deserved it 2 345

girlsncomics tells us more.

girlsncomics 16

Friday 28 April 2017 5:49

I had them in a shelf that I was sure she couldn't reach suppose I was wrong. This was the first and only time she did something like this.

Nightmare Fuel

By anon - 01/06/2018 01:30

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 688

You deserved it 381

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 21:05 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 214

You deserved it 4 289

By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 2 647

By cole66 - 29/11/2015 18:43 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 602

You deserved it 3 182

By Koizumiii - 15/11/2015 18:47 - United States - Chantilly

Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 776

You deserved it 1 425

Koizumiii tells us more.

Koizumiii 23

Monday 16 November 2015 23:37

I was speechless for a few seconds and just kind of stared at her, then grabbed my hair and pulled it out of her mouth and decided to stand instead. Then I took a shower! I would have said something to her but she was about 80 and from Asia, didn't really know English too well

By moodyreallyrocks - 09/07/2012 00:30 - United States - Mayfield

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 941

You deserved it 2 939