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The Hulk

By dino0123 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Herndon

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

agreeclassic 32 831

vote type 1 4 599

Charming

By FootyFoot - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied, "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

agreeclassic 37 849

vote type 1 3 276

Blast from the past

By Musicfan - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

agreeclassic 35 026

vote type 1 4 528

Hyperloop

By disfordiploma - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML

agreeclassic 108 688

vote type 1 28 540

Thanks for the input

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said, "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML

agreeclassic 73 375

vote type 1 5 629

Can't take it anymore

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 42 088

vote type 1 6 607

Keep the change

By hatemylife - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

agreeclassic 47 423

vote type 1 7 069

Apron strings

By heatherjo - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

agreeclassic 45 043

vote type 1 4 001

Clout chasing

By Samantha - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. Her birthday was actually two months ago, but she decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

agreeclassic 72 483

vote type 1 5 197

Sick burn

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

agreeclassic 42 502

vote type 1 8 202

Whaaaaat?

By erphy21 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 35 430

vote type 1 6 430

Yummy

By Massasam - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 10 827

vote type 1 42 470

Assumption

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said, "I'm just smart." She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

agreeclassic 29 291

vote type 1 6 779

Never enough

By crazycatlady - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

agreeclassic 23 608

vote type 1 18 613

Heartbreak Hotel

By pixiegirl - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

agreeclassic 39 303

vote type 1 6 894

Unionize!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

agreeclassic 52 754

vote type 1 7 530

Oh, totally

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

agreeclassic 36 636

vote type 1 4 558

Drying times

By helplesssssss - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a shower in a beach house we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

agreeclassic 37 407

vote type 1 15 345

Roomies

By merrymary - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

agreeclassic 35 161

vote type 1 6 146

Smells like…

By BobsBabe2 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

agreeclassic 33 618

vote type 1 2 936

Amazing idea, idiots

By zain - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

agreeclassic 50 324

vote type 1 3 754

Petty officer

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

agreeclassic 38 167

vote type 1 3 759

Good news

By poormom - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

agreeclassic 70 434

vote type 1 29 138

MORE! MORE!

By bursteardrums - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

agreeclassic 30 643

vote type 1 11 395

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

agreeclassic 16 003

vote type 1 44 228

NSFW FML

By Fireguy92 - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

agreeclassic 45 174

vote type 1 2 656

Best clapback

By wetbutt - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

agreeclassic 18 120

vote type 1 69 010

Sooner or later, you're gonna listen to Ralph Nader

By AJL - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

agreeclassic 53 950

vote type 1 6 765

New look

By ouchbrow - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

agreeclassic 47 235

vote type 1 14 932

Many such cases

By gaga - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

agreeclassic 9 091

vote type 1 39 493

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML

agreeclassic 578

vote type 1 132

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

agreeclassic 52 943

vote type 1 7 458

Today, I was entertaining my 12-year-old cousin in the yard when two of my cats chased down and killed a baby bunny right in front of us. FML

agreeclassic 3 876

vote type 1 567

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

agreeclassic 1 645

vote type 1 142

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 733

vote type 1 252

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

agreeclassic 42 937

vote type 1 4 903