The Top

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Extra layers

By wizard - 22/02/2026 22:00

Today, I've now lost two hundred pounds and learned that I actually do have a pretty decently-sized dick, it's just been buried under fat for most of my life. Too bad I'm 42 and nobody wants a damn thing to do with a 42 year-old virgin, unless you want to quote a stale Steve Carell movie and laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 92

Big head

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 13:00 - Lebanon

Today, it was my girlfriend’s birthday. I was invited to her surprise party and we got there before she arrived. When she came in, she asked the waiters where her friends were, then said, “I saw your head at the end of the restaurant.” She mentioned my head multiple times. I have a big head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 126

Get away from me

By IAdoptedACat? - 22/05/2025 17:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I learned that, after catching my newly adopted cat so we could spend some quality time in the closet during a tornado warning, she's unwilling to let me close enough to administer her ear drops. I left my covered parking at work and took hail damage for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 306

Bad week

By poopface82 - 07/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my week started off with cleaning up a literal dumpster fire. Since then, I’ve been falsely accused of stealing someone’s welcome mat, had my water shut off, and had to miss three days of work in order to correct my child care voucher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 79

Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I’ve broken up with every man I’ve dated, teen years to adulthood, for no reason. I left my soulmate convinced my body was rejecting him physically. It turns out I have involuntary pelvic spasms and need therapy to dilate, and also therapy due to anxiety with penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 173

Teamwork

By Cheifs - 23/06/2025 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I joined a Zoom meeting and spent 10 minutes talking about my car issues to a group of strangers who were definitely not my usual team. I then realized I was in a webinar for bird enthusiasts who were too polite to interrupt me talking about transmissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 443

Hiding

By Anonymous - 04/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I learned just how disgusted I am by my own body, when I was debating whether or not I should wear a baggy hoodie in 92 degree Fahrenheit weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Sharing my journey

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 00:00 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my partner has been losing weight to get slimmer and took a picture of the scale. He posted it onto his Facebook and tagged me in it. After two hours we got messages from his family to look in the reflection of the glass on the scale and I was nude in the background. Thanks, Hun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Trapped

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, it's been a week since my girl told me she's pregnant and I fled town in a panic. I realized how badly I fucked up and called her, begging to come back. When I showed up at her house, her brothers kicked my ass and threw me in the street, promising to wring me dry for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Freakout

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

One step at a time

By shengming - 06/07/2025 04:00 - China

Today, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Although I am very happy in a sense and feel that there is finally an explanation for the past, this issue is not conducive to my adjustment to society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Gooners rise up

By Meanwhile we barely ever fuck - 05/07/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left his laptop open, signed into a chat program. I learned why he started working out and eating right. Not to look good for me or be healthier. No, he planned his entire diet and exercise plan so he could shoot the biggest loads possible during "goon sessions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

His little lipstick

By poopface82 - 06/07/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after three solid weeks of having my kids. After I got home, my dog decided to get intimate with his stuffed animal toy. I now know what my dog’s dong looks like, and that he’s gotten more action in the last two months than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I apologized to my mother-in-law for not wanting to be around the family babies while I am struggling with infertility. She responded that that was OK but that I should still really meet my baby nephew, because, "He is the most precious baby ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 174

Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 123

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 216

You deserved it 3 243

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 693

You deserved it 481

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 649

You deserved it 42 334

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 849

You deserved it 8 709