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OMG! I am the person who posted it! My husband isn't an asshole! Well not ususally! LOL We went to the doctors immediately when i did it and they thought it was just a sprain. I could NOT walk on it for 4 days, and the results just came back yesterday. I was helping around the house, but I was limping. He was making fun of me because he thought it was just a sprain. Yes, I make him sandwiches! And he makes me them too! I have a picture if you want to see it, so you'll know I'm not faking!!!!

By grubbieduc - 06/10/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 584

You deserved it 2 782

By zzarzzur - 29/12/2015 09:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 855

You deserved it 1 870

By Anonymous - 18/06/2012 14:39 - Canada - Markham

Today, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. As I did, a car that was passing by stopped, made a U-turn, and then came back so the people inside could laugh at me. When they were done taunting me, they made another U-turn and continued back in their original direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 258

You deserved it 2 746

By Skoff - 23/07/2015 09:44 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 121

You deserved it 2 952

How very dare you?

By 1357katie - 19/09/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple of times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 757

You deserved it 6 298

O face

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 625

You deserved it 6 642

By anonymous - 03/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 710

You deserved it 45 106

By Foxy - 05/02/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 378

You deserved it 26 893

By anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:09 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 103

You deserved it 2 041

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 21:54 - United States - North Adams

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 515

You deserved it 3 753

Cash grab

By Megan - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was doing my laundry when I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 952

You deserved it 26 356

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 6 084

LOL

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text, saying, "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 972

You deserved it 4 479

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 162

You deserved it 11 488

Morris was here

By ceetee - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 031

You deserved it 3 507

Charged

By Stickerless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42 cent postage, so now I have to pay $250 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 531

You deserved it 4 488

Sooooooo?

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 485

You deserved it 30 857

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 146

You deserved it 13 228

By Experience - 05/02/2013 20:19 - United States - Waynesfield

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 036

You deserved it 3 592

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 748

You deserved it 8 331

By charlieweaver21 - 21/01/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 6 163

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 964

You deserved it 6 519

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 421

You deserved it 5 968

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 612

You deserved it 56 809

By Ajax_Teh_Great - 20/10/2015 07:49 - United States

Today, I was stabbed because a mugger got mad that I was broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 2 039

Ajax_Teh_Great tells us more.

Ajax_Teh_Great 19

Wednesday 21 October 2015 8:36

Hey Everyone, OP here. Thanks for all the support and making me laugh. Luckily he hadn't taken anything of value, although he had taken my shoes(ridiculous, I know). I was walking home from my job because my bike was also stolen. Again, FML. I had accidentally left my wallet at my house which is lucky for once. After being stabbed, someone had seen me bleeding, so they called 911. I'm no longer in the hospital as the wound wasn't serious, so I'm doing slightly better. Again, Thanks for the support.

By ZachooMackoo - 10/04/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 726

You deserved it 8 783

ZachooMackoo tells us more.

ZachooMackoo 0

Friday 10 April 2009 18:09

No, it was real. It was at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, which is never at capacity. And the tickets were the southwest airline new cheap ones, I think maybe $50. I went to fan assistance to try to get my ticket, and they said that they didn't even know about it, and the sponsor (southwest) was only there to distribute the flight tickets, then left. I tried calling, and they kept thinking I was trying to get extras for family or something. But, it was not a fake, the tickets were legit.