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By leftbehind - 10/06/2011 11:40 - Colombia

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 886

You deserved it 3 261

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 963

You deserved it 4 469

You played yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 112

You deserved it 49 249

By Yup - 13/06/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 3 575

Just dependa things

By Elis - 01/03/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marine's Girlfriend." I'm a straight 16 year-old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 768

You deserved it 4 788

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 05:10 - United States - Novi

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 027

You deserved it 3 584

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 5 469

By fmylife117 - 17/02/2011 18:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 436

You deserved it 6 167

Riot!

By gmnesbitt - 07/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 019

You deserved it 2 575

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 525

You deserved it 32 433

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 029

You deserved it 5 152

I've seen it all

By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 5 039

By Lara - 08/01/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 431

You deserved it 8 369

By carless - 29/10/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 977

You deserved it 3 396

By PetitPrincePerdu - 08/05/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 934

You deserved it 5 073

How can I put this…?

By jkl54 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States - Salem

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 359

You deserved it 6 721

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 480

You deserved it 4 173

By superstar - 30/03/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered, and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man came in and asked if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 221

You deserved it 91 072

Face the facts

By ugly - 15/04/2011 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 069

You deserved it 3 381

Creative mind

By Dean Heffern - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill." He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 4 220

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 06:19 - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 477

You deserved it 3 561

By mimiani - 05/11/2011 23:58 - Nigeria

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 3 265

mimiani tells us more.

mimiani 7

Sunday 6 November 2011 15:12

I am a woman and it was really awkward watching it with my dad.

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 146

You deserved it 51 079

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 11:44 - Sweden

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 220

You deserved it 6 116

Not now, dude

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Spicy

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 244

You deserved it 7 326

By duhitskelly94 - 24/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 874

You deserved it 57 317

By wormsick - 06/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 000

You deserved it 3 159

Sinner

By terry - 02/11/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and came back to glaring looks and stares. My screensaver had turned on, containing pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 240

You deserved it 52 834

By BestBF - 23/04/2013 23:22 - United States - Omaha

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 311

You deserved it 8 746

By iplaytwister - 22/10/2009 21:00 - United States

Today, I realized that sometimes I forget to turn off my desk light when I leave the room for dinner. I also learned that said desk light can get hot enough to melt plastic, which is why my brand-new laptop screen was literally oozing onto the table top when I got back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 751

You deserved it 12 864

iplaytwister tells us more.

iplaytwister 0

Friday 23 October 2009 2:52

OP here. Technically this happened almost a year ago, and I wrote the FML from my new(er) laptop, which is a mac. It WAS true, and the desk light was a regular desk light, I had it like 8 inches from the screen (Toshiba laptop), and it melted the plastic all around the corner of my screen and onto my screen. When I rescued it, I could see into the cords and everything inside. so yea.

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a kinda wet feeling. When I put the lights on, I realized that my baby must have had a stomach bug and had puked all over the bed. That was when I realized that I had a stomach bug too and puked on my poor little baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 232

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 730

Today, it was the first time I met my girlfriend's parents. It was also the day that I accidentally ripped their shed's door off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 243

You deserved it 594

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 024

You deserved it 2 124

Today, I went to my friend's little brother's birthday party. A few of the younger kids were hitting me with a pool noodle, and I didn't really care until a 9-year-old loudly exclaimed, "Hit her in the pussy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 673

You deserved it 1 045

Today, I was out hiking when I needed to go pee. I thought no one was there because it isn't popular so I pulled down my pants. I heard footsteps so I pulled my pants back up and kept walking. There were people behind me, and one of them came up and said, "Hey, your undies are showing." I was wearing hot pink ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 326