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Bad hair day

By Andrew7847 - 22/04/2012 05:24 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as The Abominable Snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 169

You deserved it 4 452

That 20%

By MI3 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 912

You deserved it 2 389

By ineedalife - 02/02/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 536

You deserved it 22 469

By Sarah - 01/01/2013 15:15 - United States

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 151

You deserved it 5 574

People of Walmart

By drano - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, a guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said, "Oh shit, I forgot my wallet!" and walked off. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 534

You deserved it 3 386

By failure - 28/10/2013 00:41 - United States - Shreveport

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 643

You deserved it 4 640

By Me - 20/12/2010 06:22

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 953

You deserved it 5 737

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 302

You deserved it 27 613

Money ain't a problem when you've got it

By Anonymous - 07/10/2011 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I listened as my ridiculously wealthy friend excitedly rambled on and on about her latest shopping trip. This is the same friend who owes me £150, and accused me of being insensitive for asking her to repay it at some point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 661

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 00:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 101

You deserved it 6 153

By RickTheBoy - 10/07/2013 12:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 443

You deserved it 50 232

By jacky tu - 16/10/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 7 695

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 427

You deserved it 4 300

By suckatlifeeexo - 25/04/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 441

You deserved it 17 033

By MailMaster - 22/07/2011 04:20 - Australia

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 348

You deserved it 2 883

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said no so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 827

You deserved it 4 703

By roomie487 - 06/10/2009 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 231

You deserved it 4 341

Weirdo

By dammitvasquez - 12/05/2011 23:34 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 354

You deserved it 8 536

By scared4myhair - 12/04/2015 01:53 - United States - Flint

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 639

You deserved it 2 776

By Anonymous - 04/11/2012 18:14 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 2 381

By midwesternpetclerk - 09/11/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 877

You deserved it 2 731

By Queso Dog - 02/10/2012 14:42 - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 256

You deserved it 28 620

What what?

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 3 524

By cyn1cal99 - 19/07/2013 02:27 - United States - Derby

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 562

You deserved it 16 499

cyn1cal99 tells us more.

cyn1cal99 11

Friday 19 July 2013 21:06

Hey Guys. A lot of you have been asking why I mowed this neighbors lawn. Well, for one the person living there is an older person and while they probably could do it themselves, I don't think they should have to. My other reason for it, is that I mow the houses on the right, and left of it for pay. I find it more convenient to just mow all three of them across at once.

By accidentalnorman - 07/12/2015 10:11

Spicy

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 240

You deserved it 31 175

By BUSTED. - 01/12/2015 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 604

You deserved it 3 719

By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 142

You deserved it 17 770

Golden slumbers

By Monkey - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 232

You deserved it 5 655

By vin_dex - 05/12/2013 05:40 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 33 227

vin_dex tells us more.

vin_dex 8

Friday 6 December 2013 6:45

OP, hi! I can definitely be talkative sometimes, but that's actually not what happened here. I was at my friend's house and we were trying to pick a movie to watch when I noticed they had Aladdin. We got into a silly argument over whether to watch that or some action flick when I started dramatically singing and talking about all my favorite Disney princesses for laughs. Little did I know, during that time, my friend's little sister had wandered in and was staring at me. The whole room quieted down and then we heard that little bit of sass- "You definitely need to calm down." We all laughed so hard we cried.

Kinda sus

By kmf - 10/08/2009 19:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We started going at it and we were both butt naked when I saw a car pull into the lot. Not only was it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asked my girlfriend was, "Are you being held against your will?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 182

You deserved it 14 410

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The Top

The Top

Today, we were supposed to go to one of my husband's coworkers' party, but he had to go alone because we couldn’t find my prosthetic leg anywhere. I eventually found it, in the shed. The only way it got there was if my husband put it there on purpose so I couldn’t go. I think he’s embarrassed of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 113

Today, I asked a girl I liked for her number, but she claimed she had a broken phone and was getting a new one for Christmas. Unhinged, I go home and go onto Facebook. First thing I see is her status: "Why is no one answering my calls?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 776

You deserved it 4 088

Today, my doctor wants me to avoid carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Yes, I am looking for another doctor while I scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 106

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 366

Today, the guy I liked broke things off with me because he needed time to work on himself, and heal from his recent break up. I went on Instagram to find him reading a poem to his ex about how he wants to worship her body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 133

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 272