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By innocent - 19/04/2017 00:00

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 483

You deserved it 346

Man City

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 296

You deserved it 725

Netflix is a drug

By Alexandra - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 857

You deserved it 1 172

By GTA_VI - 01/12/2016 01:02

Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 269

You deserved it 569

GTA_VI tells us more.

GTA_VI 0

Monday 5 December 2016 0:37

OP here. I had to stay where I was while the police talked to the dealership to get it sorted out. Once they realized I had the keys and the paperwork, they let me go. The dealership said this has never happened before and they're going to make it right by fixing my car for free as well as detailing and oil change.

'Ello 'ello 'ello

By wreckdit - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 256

You deserved it 792

By TooPoorForPrivateUni - 09/10/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 744

You deserved it 1 181

Turn on

By bodyelectric - 13/04/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 860

You deserved it 9 778

By AnonymousCow - 20/09/2016 13:04 - Australia - Perth

Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 843

You deserved it 1 907

Learning moment

By bigbro - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 5 177

You're under arrest

By poo_shoe123 - 31/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 656

You deserved it 10 243

By BiteMe - 30/08/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 306

You deserved it 1 195

By socially awkward cupcake - 16/02/2017 15:52

Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 757

You deserved it 409

By dumpedfornoreason - 01/10/2017 18:30 - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 074

You deserved it 594

Undervalued

By burnuptowndow - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 276

You deserved it 306

Creepy Dick Pic

By huh? - 18/09/2019 13:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me a photo of him getting head from a gorgeous woman. He captioned it “Jealous?” with smiley emojis. I’m not sure what’s creepier, the fact that he sent it, that he even has my new number or that we broke up more than 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 158

By tbrown0089 - 10/08/2016 21:49 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in seven months. We hit it off really well, having a lot of things in common. The only thing we don't have in common is a tan line from a wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 429

You deserved it 1 171

tbrown0089 tells us more.

tbrown0089 16

Sunday 4 September 2016 5:55

Hi op here! I'm only twenty. I have plenty of time to date. This happened months ago anyways. I have an amazing boyfriend now. And yes I was single for seven months. You would too if you catch your ex sleeping with your cousin. It was a wedding ring and he is still happily married with a baby on the way.

By lostmykeys - 03/08/2016 22:44

Today, it's my birthday. I share it with a guy I've been seeing for over six months. I showed up with a handmade pie and a gift bag. His ex-girlfriend accepted it for him, as he was busy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 947

lostmykeys tells us more.

lostmykeys 4

Friday 9 September 2016 20:03

Follow up - He was back together with her and neglected to tell me. He was having a dinner date with her when I arrived, so I kind of handed over the gifts and walked away. and cornyrob - Super funny you'd mention the wedding singer. That's his favourite rom-com. Although in this situation, my adam sandler was most definitely aware his Linda was around. It really kills me that this made it onto the FMLs.

By tamponmayhem - 09/03/2009 19:30 - Canada

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 205 963

You deserved it 15 428

By hotdogbunz - 23/01/2018 19:00

Today, my coworker was supposed to pick me up to go to a work event as my car is broken. I waited 3 hours and he never showed. After he arrived late to the event due to traffic, he told my boss that he waited for me and I never came out. Guess who's unemployed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 283

You deserved it 393

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 01:31 - United States

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 013

You deserved it 7 263

Dick joke

By awilson - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see me with my hand on my crotch while angrily muttering, "Where's that little bastard gone?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 348

You deserved it 17 024

By Pseudo - 21/06/2016 05:33 - France - Vitry-le-fran?ois

Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 343

You deserved it 1 554

By Bambi113 - 09/06/2016 19:07 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 991

You deserved it 919

By Revelyn - 03/06/2016 22:18 - United States - Compton

Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 155

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 05:05 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 262

You deserved it 1 528

By poorgirl - 17/05/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 371

You deserved it 1 723

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 12:39 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 357

You deserved it 1 386

By kittywings - 29/04/2016 01:14 - United States - Bridgewater

Today, as I was taking a shower, I felt something run down my back. Assuming it was water, I lathered up my loofah and scrubbed my back with it, only to hear a gross crunching sound. I pulled back my loofah to see a smushed, twitching cockroach that I had smeared on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 950

You deserved it 1 399

kittywings tells us more.

kittywings 9

Friday 29 April 2016 21:06

Hey all, OP here To everyone wondering: yes, it was disgusting. After freaking out for a little, I just tried my best not to puke and washed the cockroach guts off my back. I smashed the half-dead cockroach with a shampoo bottle just to put the poor thing out of its misery and threw out the loofah. Speaking of the loofah, it was one of those really hard thick sponges, which is probably why the cockroach's shell got crushed by it (I also thought cockroaches' shells were too tough to be crushed like that, but maybe the steam from the shower softened it?) Anyway, though it was really really gross, the one good thing that came out of this is that my FML actually got posted, which is pretty cool. Thanks guys :)