The Top

OP here, I live in Maryland and had to fly to Dallas for my hockey tournament. Although my stick showed up at the right airport, my bag containing my gear was somehow flown to Jacksonville instead of Dallas.

By downgirl - 04/11/2015 06:02 - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 244

You deserved it 2 390

By MedChew - 30/10/2015 17:01 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 148

You deserved it 5 124

By aprilfools22 - 17/08/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 961

You deserved it 12 642

By anonymous - 13/08/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 012

You deserved it 18 320

Indoctrination

By ZeroG57 - 04/05/2017 14:00

Today, my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement." Yup, it's a cult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 237

You deserved it 495

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 932

You deserved it 23 306

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The Top

Today, I received a big scholarship. I was ecstatic, until I looked up the cost of tuition at that university. I still need $120K. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 570

You deserved it 2 382

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 686

You deserved it 3 119

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 166

Today, I found out I’m pregnant and got excited. We’d never discussed kids before since we’ve only been dating a year, but I was so happy… until I told him, and his face just fell. I left after he drank himself unconscious and I’m now at my mum's house FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 689

Today, I was in a rush to get my lunch for work. I quickly opened my fridge to grab it, and accidentally knocked over a beer, spilling a little on my pants. I told myself I'd spray them in the car. I forgot, and when I got into work, someone sat down and commented that they smelled beer. The person was a student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 253

Today, I locked my keys in the house. I panicked so hard and immediately started kicking the door, desperate to get my keys. My boyfriend, who I forgot was staying over, woke up and opened the door right as I kicked it, and the door smashed into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 477