Kids and Health: Not a morning person

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 178

You deserved it 328

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Same thing different taste

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 144

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 00:05 - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 148

You deserved it 3 240

Didn't see ya there

By stillhurting - 05/01/2014 21:45 - Canada - Langley

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 781

You deserved it 7 572

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 602

Smashing awakening

By charapos - 06/02/2022 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 235

Worst babysitter ever

By Anonymous - 15/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, I tripped over a laundry basket while carrying my baby niece. Don’t worry, I threw her onto the couch safely. I, however, face-planted into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 105

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 846

You deserved it 4 728

Less haste, more speed

By D J's MOM - 18/09/2023 20:00

Today, at 11 p.m., after getting up for work at 4:45 a.m., I ran up the stairs to go feed my cat. I slipped on something, missed the handrail, then fell down and cracked my head on the tile floor. My hairclip was dead center, so I then had a fun night in the ER while my dang head wouldn't stop bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 124

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 226

By ouch - 26/06/2010 14:23 - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 740

You deserved it 8 999

DraftHail614 17

Thursday 26 July 2018 3:08

Damn. FML reminds me that shitty people still exist.

DraftHail614 17

Thursday 26 July 2018 18:36

Bud, allow me to introduce you to Richard. Pretty sure a lot of people know him by now. Not an asshole. His comments are just like that. Usually a hit or miss. Sometimes funny and other times just... no. But he's no asshole I can assure you.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 26 July 2018 2:46

Did the baby get the bottle? Your clumsiness ain’t gonna make the baby any less hungry.

wHSKitty 11

Thursday 26 July 2018 3:21

You’re an asshole! I’m sure baby got fed AFTER her cuts were taken care of. Although the ball being in the way didn’t help...

DraftHail614 17

Thursday 26 July 2018 18:36

chubbear 14

Thursday 26 July 2018 20:20

Always never funny, tries way too hard.

DraftHail614 17

Thursday 26 July 2018 3:08

Damn. FML reminds me that shitty people still exist.

Sheepiebeepie 26

Thursday 26 July 2018 4:01

Sounds like you have it easy, I am constantly reminded in my daily life.

DraftHail614 17

Thursday 26 July 2018 22:21

I wouldn't go that far. I may not be miserable, but I'm not exactly surrounded by the nicest people either. I mean I work at a Walmart. The ridiculous stories about customers there? Yeah, they happen. Sadly I learned through experience.

Cali 54

Friday 3 August 2018 19:43

If any of these ridiculous stories about customers would make good FMLs, you should submit them!

LebanonBaby 26

Thursday 26 July 2018 4:48

Awww you poor thing 😭

_Hakuna_Matata_ 12

Thursday 26 July 2018 7:41

Your husband is not to blame because he might be a heavy sleeper, hope you got medical attention tho!

free_parking 3

Thursday 26 July 2018 18:44

the neighbors are right, keep it the hell down

Charlie Given 26

Thursday 26 July 2018 20:21

Life as a parent, all ya can do is laugh or cry🤣😫

DLBL 21

Saturday 6 June 2026 23:58

You deserve it for having a stupid glass coffee table in the first place. At least it was YOU who destroyed it, instead of your baby.

DLBL 21

Tuesday 11 August 2026 20:12

Of ALL the materials in the world, why do people have GLASS tables? Shows every smudge, makes loud sound whenever you set something on it, and it breaks. Why?