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Alright bruv'?

By zetuga055 - 15/10/2021 14:00

Today, like I do once a week, I put my bins out to be collected. I was woken up in the early hours by a drunk lad outside, claiming he was desperate for a waz. The sound of him pissing in my food waste bin will haunt me for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 99

The strangeness of strangers

By wellalrightythen - 09/02/2015 06:23 - United States - Hobart

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she'd put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right onto my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth and busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 966

You deserved it 2 511

By Shauna - 10/11/2012 09:02 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 4 199

By nekoneko - 07/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 3 042

By Sidney - 07/01/2009 20:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I fell in love with a girl on the internet, she's great and funny. She says she's 16, but everyone keeps telling me she's only 11 and that I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 080

You deserved it 42 040

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 319

You deserved it 11 947

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 20:30 - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 960

You deserved it 7 015

By gumchuck - 05/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Marshall

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 866

You deserved it 16 331

By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 03:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 914

You deserved it 8 998

Close to me

By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 1 168

By soccer_bball - 14/10/2013 19:32 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 925

You deserved it 7 066

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Spicy

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 2 758

So, thanks for that

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 09:00

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to my mom telling me my paternal grandmother had to tell he my step-grandfather has a small uncut dick, but big balls. I could've gone my whole life not knowing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 333

By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Spicy

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 200

You deserved it 3 602

Still relevant

By FMJoblessL - 04/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 706

You deserved it 2 952

Mr Empathy

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 20:00

Today, over the past 48 hours, my husband has ignored a dog with a broken leg, because, “It’s not our dog, so it’s not our problem,” and also ignored a young lost boy crying for his mother in Asda, because, “He’s not our son, so who cares?” I think I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 275

By Paras_800 - 31/01/2015 19:14 - United States

Today, I was at an interview for one of the top universities in the U.S. Everything was going great until I choked on my own saliva and almost threw up on the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 131

You deserved it 3 107

Paras_800 tells us more.

Paras_800 27

Sunday 1 February 2015 20:43

Hey guys, its OP here! Just to clear a few things up, I was the one applying to the college, not interviewing another person. Sorry it was a typo, but in terms of the college I am hoping they will look at the big picture rather than focusing on the one mistake.

By Username - 01/02/2011 15:40

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 5 898

Damn, son…

By Anonymous - 31/05/2024 12:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my anger issues reached their worst after a horrible day at work. I kicked my girlfriend out of our apartment because I smelled another man's cologne when I came home. The "cologne" was a scented candle that she had burning while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1 415

By taxed - 02/02/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 056

You deserved it 4 984

By Bito - 21/12/2008 07:00 - France

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 184

You deserved it 12 323

Chilly

By Anonymous - 27/07/2020 23:03

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 236

Taking a stand

By vampyrate3562 - 29/01/2015 12:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 944

You deserved it 4 064

No buyers

By Kai Curtis - 18/01/2023 00:00 - United States - Exton

Today, I went to the bar because, I like to go to the bar every Saturday, but wearing a wedding ring so people wouldn't hit on me. But when I went this time, I forgot my ring and people still didn’t hit on me. So now I know it has nothing to do with the ring at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 039

By StormSeason - 29/10/2012 12:03 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 880

You deserved it 2 258

By Hot Pants - 01/12/2011 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 443

You deserved it 5 819

By gui909 - 09/12/2008 07:01 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 824

You deserved it 7 326

Tom Cruise

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 20:00

Today, my wife and I are moving cross-country. At a rest stop, my wife complained of foot pain. I said, "Use your cruise control" and she replied "What's that?" I spent the next 10 mins teaching my 30-year-old wife what cruise control is, how it works, and how it differs from Tesla's autopilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 354

Chill

By daisyann - 15/07/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 694

You deserved it 55 626

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The Top

The Top

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 587

You deserved it 4 230

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 279

You deserved it 6 373

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 5 422

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 3 221

Today, my therapist died from a heart attack, all while telling me not to stress over anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 90

Today, during a trivia night, I got overly confident after answering three questions correctly in a row. The final question asked for the capital of Australia, and I loudly whispered “Sydney” to my entire team like I was saving us. We lost by one point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 395