The Top

I was wearing gloves. When you open up a new carving block, there's TONS of meaty juice inside of there that you have to drain out. Some of it got inside my gloves.

Sad and lonely

By yikes78 - 31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident, I blurted out, "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 824

You deserved it 10 524

Teaching moment

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 09:00 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to show my little cousin how to ride a bike without training wheels. Not only did I crash into a bush, but the handlebars hit me in the nuts, and I ended up rolling around like a Labrador in shit in front of the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 383

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 750

You deserved it 11 837

Dungeons and dragons drama

By Anonymous - 17/05/2023 10:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out why DnD is recommended for ages 13 and up. I ran a kids' session supposed to be for ages 12-16, but a few younger ones turned up. It took them an hour and a half to kill 3 zombies, and then they wanted to go on a murder rampage through the town. I'm secretly hoping they don't turn up next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 305

By Mc2013 - 12/10/2014 17:38 - United States

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 987

You deserved it 4 225

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 282

You deserved it 3 010

Sir! Sir!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 396

You deserved it 3 542

Bing bong beep

By Anonymous - 12/10/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our son fell asleep with his iPad playing some sort of annoying beeping noise from one of his games. We can hear it in our room and it’s just annoying enough that neither of us can sleep. The iPad is under his body, so if I try to get it he WILL wake up and WON’T go back to sleep tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 675

By manutdlol - 13/12/2009 06:15 - Malaysia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 6 504

By Lara - 03/08/2012 11:28 - Italy - Empoli

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 858

You deserved it 2 210

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 919

You deserved it 4 567

By frustrated - 11/07/2013 04:52 - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 856

You deserved it 3 589

Proof

By badbed - 11/12/2009 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 7 515

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The Top

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10°C out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 730

You deserved it 4 327

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 009

You deserved it 3 690

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 105

Today, it's been almost 3 years since my wife has wanted sex, and I get turned down every time I ask. Even when I insist on a romantic date night, we just sit with no idea what to say to each other. How did we drift so far apart? The only thing keeping us together is the mortgage and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 256

Today, after spending eight weeks making a life-size clay Cocker Spaniel in class. I left it in the middle of a large table in the empty art classroom, ready to paint, and went to the bathroom for a minute. I came back to see two young girls shiftily running out of said classroom, walked in and it was in shards on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 106

Today, my little brother was getting a haircut. He’s very shy and doesn’t like to talk to strangers, hardly ever, but with women it’s more likely that he will. The hairdresser made a comment about, “He’s so quiet, is he nervous?” I said without thinking, ”No, he only talks to pretty girls.” She didn’t speak the rest of the haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 124