The Top

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Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 04:03

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 5 156

By hungry - 08/03/2012 19:15 - Canada

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 3 217

Misunderstanding of the night

By milkybear - 15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 913

You deserved it 15 911

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 23/12/2023 15:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, after many years of being one of the best workers anywhere I worked, and being superhuman, I now have to accept that I may never be able to work full time again. Why? Because apparently I haven't been properly digesting food since I was 16 and I'm now 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 146

Teamwork

By Cheifs - 23/06/2025 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I joined a Zoom meeting and spent 10 minutes talking about my car issues to a group of strangers who were definitely not my usual team. I then realized I was in a webinar for bird enthusiasts who were too polite to interrupt me talking about transmissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 448

By kenyaliving - 13/02/2013 22:04 - Kenya

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 5 596

By scarlet - 09/05/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 923

You deserved it 3 420

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 340

You deserved it 7 446

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law berated me for not being pregnant yet, so I yelled at her that since she guilted us into letting her move into our house, she never goes out, our bedrooms share a wall, and she has the hearing of a bat, none of which helps me or my husband have any sexy time. It’s been 4 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 220

Small talk is hell

By thisismyawkwardface - 19/02/2014 07:17 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 473

You deserved it 12 121

By H05T1L3 - 04/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 947

You deserved it 37 234

By samantha - 04/03/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 459

You deserved it 3 810

Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 10:00

Today, my daughter is mad sulking because she got her first wage today and learned a bunch of new words like national insurance, pension contributions, taxes, automatic student loan repayments, and so on. She actually thought she got to keep ALL the money she earned, and is taking it out on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 479

By Anonymous - 31/05/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 606

You deserved it 6 944

Falling down

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 00:01

Today, I was doing laundry. I went to go grab a couple of detergent pods. Forgetting that I'm 5'3 and the pods are above the industrial-sized washer, I reached for them and fell backwards into a hole where the water from the washer goes. My left leg got soaked in dirt water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 229

Trespassing

By Anonymous - 06/02/2013 23:14 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 110

You deserved it 3 271

Checks out

By Asirual - 02/05/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 13 211

By alejita - 02/03/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 162

You deserved it 9 857

Pain in the neck

By Anonymous - 14/02/2020 05:00

Today, my mom drove my car and had to make a U-turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she sped up to turn, running off the road and denting my car. To make things worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions, then followed that up with, "It's not that bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 341

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:59

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 282

Busted

By amy - 08/09/2022 07:30

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 236

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 06:01 - United States - Steele

Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 317

Harsh and unfair

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 12:00

Today, my soon-to-be-ex wife aborted our baby out of sheer spite after I caught her cheating with a man. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom, but I'm infertile. Also, I’m writing this from work because my boss wouldn’t let me have even one day to grieve, because I wasn’t the one who was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 977

You deserved it 447

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 707

By kylie18xx21 - 01/02/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 494

You deserved it 2 312

By anonymous - 21/05/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 382

You deserved it 8 491

Viking issues

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 09:00

Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 267

Bad boy

By Rich - 19/05/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 310

You deserved it 4 627

The mailman

By fuckfuck - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 3 424

Call the cops

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 971

You deserved it 4 759

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The Top

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 453

You deserved it 3 893

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 9 454

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple of pages, I saw my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 278

You deserved it 2 901

Today, I went on the best date I've been on in years. Later on, over drinks we get talking and I explain how I came out to my friends and family. When I ask him how he came out, he replies that he isn't gay, and oh, did I think this was a date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 702

You deserved it 12 857

Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 151

Today, as usual I am allergic to onions (I fart A LOT if I eat any). It seems there were some in my breakfast sausage meal as I spent the day having major diarrhea; I'm shitting once an hour. That would be okay if I'd stayed home, but my sister asked me to pick her up at school. Guess who shit herself while driving… FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 112