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By housewiththinwalls - 10/10/2014 23:22 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 977

You deserved it 3 974

By Anonymous - 13/09/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a college that I'd applied to 6 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 150

You deserved it 2 622

By kaileekat517 - 21/11/2010 18:36 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 476

You deserved it 3 489

By 1D-107 - 31/07/2012 17:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 598

You deserved it 2 484

By Kevin - 09/09/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 208

You deserved it 42 971

Risky business

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 04:00

Today, after getting a new remote job and traveling to the Bahamas while working remote, without asking my employer, because I figured they wouldn't find out and I didn't want them to say no. IT ended up tracking my computer and telling HR I was overseas and I got fired after I returned from my trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 2 408

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 398

You deserved it 1 986

Get me out of here

By fraz206 - 18/03/2019 16:00

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 179

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 09/03/2022 22:00

Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 1 885

By doughgirl101 - 07/09/2011 05:59 - Canada

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 776

You deserved it 2 395

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 114

You deserved it 5 442

F*ck the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 19:58

Today, I watched as my girlfriend painfully plucked her eyebrows for half an hour. She is willing to do this, but not shave her armpits on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 1 138

Catfishing 101

By jquaw - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 253

You deserved it 6 317

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 256

You deserved it 7 455

By Anonymous - 06/09/2011 09:32 - United States

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register, only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569

You deserved it 4 646

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:42 - United States

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 857

You deserved it 5 170

By Postdotfuzz - 08/12/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 690

You deserved it 9 264

By sirensaresexy - 24/07/2012 13:54 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 877

You deserved it 9 095

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 828

You deserved it 14 194

By paedra - 22/09/2014 21:15 - United States - New York

Today, a new fire alarm system is being installed in my building. Not only does the alarm go off incessantly, but the elevators stop running when it happens. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 790

You deserved it 3 103

paedra tells us more.

paedra 23

Thursday 25 September 2014 1:49

Hey this is my post! They've actually been working on the fire alarm system for a few months, but this is the first time I needed to use the elevators when they were out. I needed to pee really badly so I ran up the stairs (in business attire) only for them to start working as soon as I got to my floor!

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 684

You deserved it 3 030

By Robin - 12/03/2012 11:57 - Russia

Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or widthwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 83

By shoutoutloud2him - 05/12/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 2 641

By hwscrewed - 10/11/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 374

You deserved it 34 772

Good one, guys, thanks

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 00:01

Today, I was fixing something for a guy at a steel manufacturing company. His employees told me that their boss can't hear properly, so I'd have to be loud when talking to him. When I'd finished, he asked me if I normally talked like that, or if there was something wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 184

Baby fever

By Anonymous - 12/06/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife wanted sex, but dropped the bomb that she wants another baby, because our other kids are grown up now. This ruined the sexy vibe we had going and now she’s mad at me for not wanting sex, and for not wanting another baby when we barely survived parenting the other three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 202

Freaked out

By klanciee - 16/07/2012 02:00 - United States - Valencia

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 557

You deserved it 2 217

By True Story - 29/08/2011 12:46 - Canada

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 10 279

By errrmkl46 - 02/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 634

You deserved it 3 999

Grounded

By Cerise - 05/03/2022 18:00

Today, my sister commented that she wants to audition for The Voice and that she’s sure she’ll make it to the finals. I said, “You have to have raw talent to do so.” I realized the severity of my comment too late as she teared up and stormed out of the room. My mom took my Macbook and car keys away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 480

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The Top

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Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 045

You deserved it 7 487

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 998

You deserved it 6 446

Today, I had a chest X-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 134

You deserved it 2 478

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 626

You deserved it 4 593

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 7 208

Today, I walked into the bedroom to find my wife naked, bent over the bed, swaying her cheeks back and forth at me, so what else was I to think? Instead of some good loving, all I got was a shouting and a lecture that just because she’s naked doesn’t mean she’s after sex. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 123