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It's my face

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 18:00

Today, I realized why people throughout the years have “lied” about me giving them “dirty looks”. They’re talking about the face I make when I’m in deep thought, concentrating on trying to sort out my thoughts while I’m spaced out. It’s one of many unfortunate parts of my schizoaffective disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 169

Goddamn commies

By Pronouns - 05/04/2022 02:00

Today, my latest date told me to lose his number and never contact him again all because I have "pronouns" in my Instagram bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 1 308

By ashlyn - 06/08/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 574

You deserved it 3 162

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 805

You deserved it 75 568

FML's Showdown #9

By Louis - 17/05/2017 21:30 - France - Paris

This week, check out some dudes mishandling some heavy machinery and vote for your fave.

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 151

Infrastructure

By fedUPwithPEOPLE - 31/07/2014 07:35 - United States - Enterprise

Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 510

You deserved it 3 228

By thenewgirlfriend - 26/05/2013 14:15 - United States - League City

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 662

You deserved it 8 070

By missmisfit - 13/06/2012 04:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 069

You deserved it 3 334

Never again

By Foool me once - 02/08/2023 00:02

Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 513

Cast the first stone

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 711

You deserved it 3 462

By Anonymous - 10/06/2012 08:47 - United States - Kent

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 986

You deserved it 5 262

Outcast

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 110

By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 15 396

By dypshyyt - 22/07/2014 23:20 - United States

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 116

You deserved it 56 595

By GillyPirate - 10/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 728

You deserved it 2 560

Classic

By skjjj - 26/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 600

You deserved it 13 327

Heftychonk

By Backinzi - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 5 086

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 08:40 - Vietnam

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 513

You deserved it 4 924

By unlucky - 10/11/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 725

You deserved it 3 386

Winner winner chicken dinner

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 14:02

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 256

The internet was a mistake

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 22:00

Today, I have Covid and am stuck in isolation with my sister. I have been staying in my room to avoid spreading it, but my sister just yelled at me because I "looked at a bird outside" and might have "given the bird Covid from the mucus in my eyes." She picked this theory up from a stranger on Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 133

I'm an excellent driver

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 20:00

Today, I got in the car with my brother, who drives all the time with his eyes glued to his phone. We stopped at a red light, it turned green. I noticed that he was still looking down and told him the car ahead was moving. I then got screamed at, saying how I'm always right, how my friends suck, and how he wished I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 156

By June - 05/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 927

You deserved it 8 850

Bad, bad mom

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 16:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 109

By photoman - 14/07/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 806

You deserved it 6 094

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 735

You deserved it 4 582

What's so funny?

By Puleksy - 14/08/2023 14:00 - Poland - Brzeg

Today, I said to my significant other, "I think I'm a pretty good catch." She started laughing so heavily that tears came out of her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 231

By buggingout - 26/07/2011 10:33 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 179

You deserved it 4 518

Cats rule, boys drool

By achoooo - 07/11/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 471

You deserved it 3 024

By Terri-Lynn - 30/05/2012 20:25 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 4 430

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The Top

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 12 825

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 23 255

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 990

You deserved it 6 282

Today, while working at the bar, I was having a flawless night. Every pour was perfect, every shot expertly measured. I saw my manager for the first time that night, turned to greet him, and knocked over a tray of 30 or so glasses. Only two remained unbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 837

You deserved it 5 364

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 814

You deserved it 3 088

Today, as punishment for peeing on the toilet seat, my dad told my son Santa isn’t real and nor is the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 251