Intimacy, Sex and NSFW: Not now! - FML

Not now!

By Anonymous - 15/04/2026 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked into the bedroom to find my wife naked, bent over the bed, swaying her cheeks back and forth at me, so what else was I to think? Instead of some good loving, all I got was a shouting and a lecture that just because she’s naked doesn’t mean she’s after sex. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 17

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Same thing different taste

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 453

You deserved it 25 066

Classic sitcom fodder

By Captain obvious - 14/04/2023 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my wife in bed naked, with a guy I’ve never even heard of. At first she said, “It’s not what it looks like!” I told her I just saw her cheating on me with another man, to which she said, “Oh… it’s exactly what it looks like.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 152

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 185

Caught in 4K

By ScrewU - 17/08/2022 19:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 188

A good yanking

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 777

You deserved it 6 772

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 17:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 370

You deserved it 4 030

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 860

You deserved it 374

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 248

You deserved it 557

Denied

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 203

I'm horny, horny horny horny

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 376

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Expensive rings and rushing water don't mix.

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 244

Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 267

You deserved it 7 939

Today, I got sneezed on by a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 107

Today, I’m unemployed with no children and hardly any social life, so you’d think my life was a constant, boring holiday, when in fact I'm so busy every day that I think I might have to designate myself a “day off” just to recover from the stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 364

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 3 415

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 255

You deserved it 6 083