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Gamers gonna game

By he wasn't even playing - 07/12/2014 04:52 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 698

You deserved it 3 931

By extraflavour - 23/12/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 567

You deserved it 3 203

Happy Halloween!

By 4evalone - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monterey

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 128

You deserved it 5 454

By Anonymous - 16/12/2015 04:04 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 617

You deserved it 1 631

By boogerbrain - 09/12/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 159

You deserved it 4 195

No thanks

By SadIndianLife - 15/11/2015 21:00 - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 502

You deserved it 2 259

By Anonymous - 03/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 265

You deserved it 1 835

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 233

You deserved it 3 237

Great expectations

By sheryl_m - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 831

You deserved it 4 666

Crotch rot

By LassieToe - 30/03/2012 03:48 - Australia

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 484

You deserved it 2 835

Basic human need

By justwow - 21/03/2012 23:58 - United States - Fort George G Meade

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 963

You deserved it 7 449

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 337

You deserved it 5 357

By WhyIHateTeachers - 25/06/2015 03:49 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 245

You deserved it 9 183

Sorry…

By Iamsosorry - 22/06/2015 11:35 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 520

You deserved it 4 150

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 224

You deserved it 8 629

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 970

You deserved it 51 012

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 13:43 - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 869

You deserved it 4 744

Keeping score

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently, my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 153

You deserved it 2 778

By Amber - 10/01/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 176

You deserved it 3 282

Job satisfaction

By Mark - 06/01/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 138

You deserved it 4 319

On the run

By Allen - 05/01/2010 06:40 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got halfway to the airport when I realized I'd forgotten my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport, only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then, my pocket vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 938

You deserved it 40 561

By Ryan - 18/12/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 578

You deserved it 10 939

By thewallrules - 05/12/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 006

You deserved it 3 456

By rubgy_lover - 27/06/2013 15:02 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 138

You deserved it 3 927

By maggie2014 - 23/06/2013 23:48 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 327

You deserved it 28 831

By Alisterine - 24/08/2014 17:31 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 254

You deserved it 14 650

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 236

You deserved it 3 915

Heavenly Shower

By deadgrass - 29/03/2012 00:44 - United States - Middletown

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 731

You deserved it 1 951

By publicenemy - 15/09/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 637

You deserved it 55 088

Karen moment

By dumbwifehappylife - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Woodbine

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 751

You deserved it 5 070

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 925

You deserved it 1 472

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 321

You deserved it 8 292

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 944

You deserved it 2 686

Today, I was supposed to deliver my S/O's keys to the garage, where he got his car fixed after a minor accident. I pulled out of my alley, only to have my flip flop catch on my accelerator, causing me to hit another car passing by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 1 596

Today, on my way out to get salt for the driveway, I fell and split my head. I'm now sitting in the ER waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 98

Today, my husband is upset that I refuse to sign off on a loan for $10k for an experimental surgery on his 11 year-old chronically ill dog. It will ultimately put more trauma on the poor creature, but he refuses to listen or let go. Not to mention the kids and mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 122