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Heat of the moment

By SkyDiver - 20/05/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 231

You deserved it 42 868

By Depressed - 08/03/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 484

You deserved it 4 995

By Noname - 08/03/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 751

You deserved it 4 493

By life// - 08/01/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 5 204

By nolongerengaged - 03/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 915

You deserved it 3 909

How very dare you!

By mrniceguy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 745

You deserved it 2 548

By brokeasajoke - 01/11/2013 12:58 - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 794

You deserved it 10 769

By now afraid... - 03/04/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 83

By crazymirrors - 28/07/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 959

You deserved it 6 299

By justonce - 23/09/2013 22:38 - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 342

You deserved it 3 551

By vishurricanes - 10/06/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 876

You deserved it 3 242

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 17:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 407

You deserved it 41 619

Don't call me Shirley

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 13:09 - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 638

You deserved it 28 784

By laury - 09/05/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 606

You deserved it 3 654

By MickyIsEVIL - 09/04/2013 11:05 - Japan - Nagoya

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 150

You deserved it 3 907

By tj - 26/08/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 669

You deserved it 9 101

By Oihana - 01/08/2015 03:30 - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 464

You deserved it 2 018

Cool down

By father-in-nope - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 2 868

By Motha - 09/04/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with replying "Your Mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I'd done with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 607

You deserved it 50 512

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 04:41

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 025

You deserved it 27 793

By she has dumbcuntitis - 03/06/2015 06:03 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 257

You deserved it 2 023

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 11:00 - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 431

You deserved it 3 921

By Sherlock - 03/02/2010 16:02 - France

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches on his chin. He did great; I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 555

You deserved it 7 352

By Anonymous - 17/09/2013 14:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 294

You deserved it 2 818

By oops - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 396

You deserved it 7 311

Unfair

By shatfjord - 10/10/2014 22:34 - United States - Rochester

Today, a coworker and I got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss's infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 674

You deserved it 2 986

By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 23:53 - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 204

You deserved it 6 928

By worsethanzombies - 23/11/2009 16:40 - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 150

You deserved it 4 890

Check this bad boy out

By Anonymous - 06/06/2012 12:55 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my brother, a plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 007

You deserved it 2 336

By wrongguy - 11/05/2013 23:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 993

You deserved it 9 726

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 615

You deserved it 3 110

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 280

You deserved it 18 373

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 647

You deserved it 4 713

Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 513

You deserved it 27 374

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 99 677

Today, I decided to stand up to my bosses for making me lose money and work with heat stroke... while my co worker got to go home early I had to work 2 hours later. Turns out I got a supervisor in trouble for making me work when there was help allocated. Now I have to walk on eggshells, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 245