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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 110

You deserved it 5 497

Are you kidding me?

By fuckdubstep51 - 21/07/2012 22:49 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 698

You deserved it 1 803

By Anonymous - 09/11/2010 07:08 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 584

You deserved it 5 377

Thanks, but…

By howtragic - 17/08/2011 12:13 - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 648

You deserved it 3 681

I just work here, dude

By OyGeeze28 - 09/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 069

You deserved it 3 158

By T - 01/10/2010 09:09 - France

Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 877

You deserved it 3 755

By hawaiiansokkrboi - 19/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 360

You deserved it 10 741

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 244

You deserved it 4 718

Envy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 299

You deserved it 13 129

By Anon - 23/07/2015 11:53 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I spent $70 on party supplies for my sister's bachelorette party, another hour decorating, three hours baking and designing a cake, before waiting five hours to hear that she and another bridesmaid had 'moved' the party elsewhere. Cake anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 600

You deserved it 1 937

By Venus - 13/03/2014 22:28 - United States - La Crescenta

Today, upon being asked to name all the planets, I had to sing along to a Lady Gaga song in my head to remember them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 250

You deserved it 12 557

By lonely - 04/04/2011 10:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 732

You deserved it 3 569

Sweet talker

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 128

You deserved it 7 277

By cass - 10/05/2016 18:37 - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 660

You deserved it 5 160

Red state

By piss off - 08/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked, "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 845

You deserved it 3 220

By stellarshaun - 16/01/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 293

You deserved it 10 929

By NickDrakeFan - 29/10/2013 01:57 - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 715

You deserved it 4 561

By sari14 - 11/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 197

You deserved it 5 048

By Lunazel93 - 22/10/2012 04:07 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 1 923

By owned - 24/01/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 474

You deserved it 4 448

Wanking yourself to death

By SkinsCastSelection - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 316

You deserved it 47 662

By RAHrahRAH - 15/01/2010 02:07 - Canada

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 475

You deserved it 2 395

Tasty snack

By spiderinmylips - 24/06/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 7 505

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 885

You deserved it 5 358

By sleepyt127 - 07/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 130

You deserved it 7 780

By Anonymous - 21/09/2015 17:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 1 879

By parisite - 01/10/2010 08:35 - France

Today, I decided to get some exercise for the first time in months. I went to the store and bought a brand new bicycle and all the necessary paraphernalia. I drove a half hour to a bike trail, unloaded the bike, and started riding. 10 feet later, the chain snapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 186

You deserved it 4 267

By AllisonMegan98 - 26/06/2014 02:54 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 613

You deserved it 3 726

AllisonMegan98 tells us more.

AllisonMegan98 3

Thursday 26 June 2014 20:09

it was an Arctic Monkeys concert

By nitroman64 - 30/07/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 884

You deserved it 28 321

How? Why?

By Noname - 12/03/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 066

You deserved it 31 421

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The Top

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was "drying the water." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 871

You deserved it 3 346

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 708

You deserved it 827

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 532

You deserved it 1 559

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 581

You deserved it 4 764

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 757

You deserved it 8 005

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 23 255