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Own that shit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 20:01

Today, I'm at my in-laws for breakfast. I used the restroom to do a number 2 but the water flow isn't going. It's not clogged, but the water is not fully leaving, and my boyfriend's phone is dead. I'm helpless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 191

Gamba

By F your brackets - 26/03/2023 18:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend is 34 years-old. We’ve been together for 5 years. He refuses to propose to me because “marriage is expensive” and “kids drain your wallet.” That would be understandable if he hasn’t spent the majority of his paychecks on March Madness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 377

Undo! Undo!

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 16:00

Today, I emailed a bunch of documents to a potential client, only to later realise later I'd also emailed them a folder of mine and my husband's very intimate photos. There’s things in there we only do when I’m very drunk, and am very embarrassed by. I’ve been ducking my bosses calls for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 1 355

Family values

By Jaime and Cersei sittin in a tree - 04/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Madison

Today, I complimented my girlfriend on her new, very detailed bikini wax. She proudly said, "Thanks! Troy’s been doing them for me since the all the salons have been locked down." Troy is her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 185

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 16:00

Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 328

Unrequited lover

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 11:31

Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 996

Medicare for all, now!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 10:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got health insurance for the first time in six years! I'm paying a ton of money each month for a plan that hardly covers anything. I will still go bankrupt me if anything bad actually happens, but I can't afford monthly premiums on anything better. Thank you, USA healthcare system. Single payer, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 216

Don't blame me

By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 167

Consider yourself warned

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 16:00

Today, I was warned by a friend that unless I make more effort with my boyfriend, he'll be snapped up by someone else, and proved it by showing me text screenshots of at least three women I know who are all hoping to pounce on him when I eventually fuck it up so badly he dumps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 302

Sneaky but clever

By Sorryfornotbeinggoodenough - 19/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out that the coworker I’d been crushing on told me he was gay so I wouldn’t hit on him anymore. Turns out he did that so he could focus on wooing a female coworker of mine. They’re now dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 739

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 166

Promises, promises

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my ex had promised his mother he’d give something from her estate to my kids when she died, so she never bothered to change her will to include them, and she died a few weeks ago so I asked him about it because my eldest is going to university soon. He laughed in my face and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 327

Does it though? Does it really?

By me. - 17/04/2022 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom asked me to bring the groceries in. In doing so, I brought in a bag full of toilet paper. She saw me and said, “Um, hello? I only said bring the GROCERIES in.” I was thus today years-old when I learned that ‘groceries’ only means food items, not just things you get from a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 148

Bottom of the list

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 07:59

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 286

Scammers gonna scam

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend already married, but she and her husband were planning some wacky scheme to steal all of my money, and run away to strike again in a new location, with new names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 98

Anticlimax

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 210

Circular

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to Home Depot because the lamp I'd bought there a few days ago was missing a part, and I wanted to get one that was complete. They wouldn't change it because it wasn't complete, and the policy said they wouldn't change anything that wasn't complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 170

Nature called

By Anonymous - 12/12/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 1 465

My eyes!

By ConcerneddSapphic - 21/05/2022 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my 73 year-old grandfather asked me to help him search up something on his PC. As soon as I typed in the first letters, one of his previous searches popped up, that being, "Lesbian porn." I still feel not so great about seeing that, and the fact that I myself am a lesbian and he knows that isn't helping much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 360

Freakout

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 03:10

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 287

You walked into that one

By BrokeasAJoke - 03/05/2022 14:00

Today, I asked my mom if I could borrow $20 since I don’t get paid until Friday. She responded with, “Why don’t you return those packages that arrived this week from your online shopping sprees?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 2 283

I can explain

By 1nn0cen7 1 sw3ar - 06/05/2022 14:00

Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 180

Are you experienced?

By Karenfast17 - 03/03/2021 07:58 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, I have to write my resume, and my teacher asked me about my secondary school activities. I'd never joined in any activities at that time, did no work experience, no volunteer work, except for two activities that I did in an institution centre this year. This all means I'm good at NOTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 355

You sure it's just the posh name?

By hyphenated - 26/05/2022 10:00

Today, for what seems like the thousandth time, one of my new friends has cut me out of their life after I told them my last name. It’s hyphenated and I’m a woman, which means I'm “automatically” a stuck-up bitch. I'm not married, I was born with this last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 162

My babies would never do that!

By katie hj - 20/04/2022 02:00

Today, I was screamed at by my stepmom for “taking a shit on the carpet.” We have not one but two dogs who are losing their bowel control, and I'm 24 years-old and have never taken a shit anywhere other than the toilet, so I have no idea why she’s blaming me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 112

Insecure dudes everywhere

By sadcation - 13/08/2023 16:00

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either cancel my amazing work trip or stay with him. I chose the trip and he assured me he’d be gone by the time I got back. His issue? My boss thought it’d be cheaper to get an AirBnB instead of getting us all hotel rooms, and that men are also going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 265

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 18:00

Today, I finally realized my husband sees our son and I as more of a financial burden than actually wanting to provide for us. Well, now what the fuck do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 301

Send help!

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son and daughter-in-law are both going to jail for the same crime. I’m recently retired but I’m now stuck raising their bratty 15 year-old and their new baby, who’s less than a year old. I’m nearly 70 years-old, I can’t do this shit anymore. I certainly can’t afford it on a pension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 124

Spooked

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 93

Bye bye baby

By OhCanada - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 400

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The Top

Today, a very intoxicated man came in to my workplace and bought 50 dollars worth of yogurt, talked about the fact that he shouldn't have to wear pants in public, then threw up all over the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 156

You deserved it 1 810

Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 2 954

Today, my 13 year-old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 251

You deserved it 64 194

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 292

Today, I went for my first eye test ever. Turns out I have astigmatism and need glasses. This is already on top of me already having a hearing aid, having hypertension of my joints, autism, and endometriosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 104

Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 161