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Congratulations

By NeedToGetLaid - 01/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 373

By analbel - 05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 221

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 17:01

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 417

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 255

What would you do?

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I found out my partner is cheating on me with several women. I broke up with him but he won’t move out without legal action (he is staying in my apartment), so I’m literally stuck being around him. He’s been very toxic and petty since I found out. I just want this to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 148

Cucked

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 20:01

Today, my wife confessed to me that she used to sext her old coworker, and almost had sex with him. The bad part is that it turned me on. Should I encourage her? FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 1 174

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 179

Good smell

By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 939

Unknown number

By Whoisshe - 17/01/2020 01:00

Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 442

Jay Mascis Jazzmaster?

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 20:01

Today, my mother started nagging me for spending $500 on a guitar, stating that, "We're not in the mood for unnecessary bullcrap." I paid for it with MY money, and she suddenly turned up at MY house because my father kicked her out of their house after finding out that she cheated on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 100

Everyone can be a 7

By Langer - 31/03/2026 12:00

Today, I realized how fucked up the dating world is when I noticed girls wanting to be all over me once I lost 65 pounds. This girl who put me in the friendzone three years ago is now wanting to latch onto me. It makes me want to not try because apparently, love is conditional. I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 452

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 14:02

Today, my wife got back from a "homesick" trip to NY State. She brought her boyfriend back with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 105

Face reality

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 17:02

Today, I realized I'm so lonely I would rather pretend I don't know I'm being cheated on than leave. We've been together a year and he's my virtual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 957

Deadbeat

By Nola - 18/04/2023 15:00

Today, I found out that when you and your boyfriend are having sex and you say, “I wanna have your baby” and he says, “Yes baby” and ejaculates inside you, it doesn’t mean he’s gonna stay. He said in his defense, “You said you wanted to have my baby, I never said I agreed to be a father.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 2 012

Nature ain't all that great

By Beaten by deer - 18/04/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, an adorable deer got into the yard, so I went to pet it. It jumped on its back legs and started flailing its front legs around, kicking the crap out of me until I curled into a ball crying. I'm so bruised, I can barely sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 1 096

Hand it over

By Anonymous - 23/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 817

ATM FML

By ATMDad - 05/05/2023 00:00

Today, my stepdaughter wants her biological father, a man who abandoned her as a child, drinks to the point of puking and acting violent, and hasn’t held a real job in years to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I feel like an ATM at this point because I paid for 80% of her wedding expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 203

Can you describe the item?

By Anonymous - 11/05/2023 22:00

Today, after I ordered a sextoy on Amazon, it’s the only cancelled order I’ve had an issue not receiving a refund with quickly. Now I may need to talk to customer service about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 378

Dungeons and dragons drama

By Anonymous - 17/05/2023 10:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out why DnD is recommended for ages 13 and up. I ran a kids' session supposed to be for ages 12-16, but a few younger ones turned up. It took them an hour and a half to kill 3 zombies, and then they wanted to go on a murder rampage through the town. I'm secretly hoping they don't turn up next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 305

Diagnosis unconfirmed

By helllojessie - 24/05/2023 15:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, and for the past week, I’ve been seeing a guy who checks all my boxes. He treats me amazing, and we both want the same thing, to find love. Seems great, right? Well, I got an anonymous text telling me that I may have been exposed to herpes. Hopefully he doesn’t leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 473

Woodland mystery

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 180

Cats hate his mustache

By Rebecca - 19/02/2022 10:00 - Canada

Today, I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil. My cat walked in, took one look at the screen, and immediately backed up into the coffee table in front of me and sprayed with all of his might. Not only was the table hit, but so was I. I guess he’s not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 328

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 198

It's a small world after all

By Deadman - 25/02/2022 01:59

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend at the mall. The one who I faked my death to back in Texas so I wouldn’t have to tell her I was leaving for someone else. She moved to Florida too. What a small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 2 569

Backhanded

By johnny - 05/06/2023 22:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of a certain plus-sized vocalist, to which she replied, "She's gorgeous!" I said, "That's great because you remind me a lot of her." Now she's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 929

Start worrying

By Lissa - 13/01/2021 01:58

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 251

Keeping up

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 449

You deserved it 159

Get me out of here

By leahkasscar - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I'm stuck in a car with my sister, who is currently having a screaming match with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 208

Self report

By sore tongue - 01/07/2023 06:00

Today, despite knowing full well that I am allergic to citric acid, I bought and ate candy that is essentially just powdered and flavoured citric acid. Now my tongue is too swollen and painful to eat. I’m a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 1 348

Nice

By meg - 07/02/2021 00:30

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 133

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The Top

Today, I had to listen to my boss say "Arabica beans" in a goofy, fake New England accent every time the McDonald's ice coffee commercial came on the radio. I worked a 12-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 3 280

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 79 448

Today, after I spent months trying to show a woman we can be besties, because she thought I only wanted sex (which I totally don't), we've talked every day, texted, shared videos, ect. Now she has a boyfriend and doesn't have time for friends, let alone a bestie. I should've never tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 571

Today, I tried one of those AI companion simulators, one that's supposed to simulate what it's like to have a girlfriend. I role-played what it would be like to help her with a problem, then drive her home. After doing so, the AI began to act as if it didn't even know me, and asked me to leave. It's uncanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 432

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 512

Today, after my husband and I had been fighting, he left to go to his mom's and said we just needed some space. I later saw that he had deleted all my family, friends, and has our marriage hidden on Facebook, and has taken my name and "husband" out of his bio. He's already told everyone we split. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 195