Your everyday life stories

Mitsukio - 14/06/2016 08:55 - United States - El Paso

Today I came back from work to cook for my family, I made some chicken pasta alfredo with garlic bread on the side and a salad, and after doing all of that, it turns out that my wife had already ordered pizza 4 her and the kids before I came home. FML

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annon - 14/06/2016 04:39 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, at the trampoline park I work at a kid thought it would be a good idea to take a shit on one of the trampolines. Guess who got to clean it? FML

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Careful Commentator - 14/06/2016 03:34 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I was scrolling through Facebook and stopped to comment, "Lol I love it!" On a friend's video of her new puppy. It wasn't until I started getting hundreds of angry responses that I realized that I had accidentally commented on the article below it, a post about the Orlando Massacre. FML.

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notthefirsttime - 14/06/2016 03:32 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my mother's house to get some shoes. By the time I left, my boyfriend had a handprint on his face from my mother. Why? Because he keeps bringing me by to pack up my stuff. We're moving cross country together in 20 days. FML

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NotAHappyWife - 14/06/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to strip the entire bed and scrub the mattress because my husband farts so much in his sleep that the smell has embedded itself in everything. FML

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Anonymous - 14/06/2016 02:42 - United States - Eatontown

Today, I realized how long it's been since I've last been laid because I walked into a public restroom in a department store and got turned on by how good it smelled in there. FML

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nip it in the bud - 14/06/2016 00:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I started doing Cross country at my school to get fit. I realized that I was fat enough that my man-boobs jiggled up and down against my shirt, rubbing my nipples raw. It hurts so bad. FML

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anonymous - 14/06/2016 00:26 - United States - Atlanta

Today, one of my best friends decided to have a pool party. I didn't get invited but somehow a girl that she despises made it onto the guest list. FML

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bum-deal - 13/06/2016 22:24 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I had to insert and apply pile cream to my boyfriend's bumhole. He had a boner afterwards. FML

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gone girl - 13/06/2016 22:12

Today, the one girl I like and the only girl who will ever like me, moved a few hours away from where she used to live. She said we could still date long distance, then I found out she didn't move because of a job. She moved in with her other boyfriend. FML

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Dead Inside - 13/06/2016 22:10 - United States - Manchester

Today, my friends were lying on a hill, stargazing. I was next to my crush. I really wanted our conversation to lead to a kiss, but he kept turning away to talk to the person on his right. When he finally turned back, I kissed him by surprise. Turns out the person on his right is his girlfriend. FML

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Wet mum - 13/06/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Beckenham

Today, my daughter announced 'I need a wee' before peeing right where she sat. This wouldn't have been so bad if she weren't sitting on my lap only a quarter of the way into an 2 hour train journey, FML.

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Broken heart - 13/06/2016 21:20 - United States - Cut Off

Today my boyfriend, the love of my life broke up with me after watching our best friends get engaged. It is our anniversary. FML

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Nyusziful - 13/06/2016 21:06 - Hungary - Nagykanizsa

Today, my fiancé and I are giving away invitations to our wedding. I proudly presented our invitation to my fiancé's grandmother who always ask about the precise date and said we will actually not get married before she dies. She said she don't want to come. FML

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creepyclowntown - 13/06/2016 19:12 - United States - Elk City

Today, I found out when my husband says he is out shopping for my birthday present he was actually hanging out after hours with a stripper. I hope she sells jewelry as a side business. FML

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unclestepdad - 13/06/2016 18:48 - United States - Bridgeton

Today, the girl of my dreams confessed she loved me, and I confessed my love to her. The only problem, she's the mother of my 6 year old nephew. My moral compass is so confused... FML

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anonymous - 13/06/2016 18:40 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was at a music festival on the very front row, and a group of girls just started peeing behind me. FML

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nadicat - 13/06/2016 15:21 - United States - Nashville

Today, my friend texted my roommate inviting us both kayaking next weekend. My roommate texted back that I could go, but she couldn't. Our friend retracted the invite. FML

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Nice - 13/06/2016 14:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to try to be more romantic with my boyfriend, so whilst he was sleeping I planned to climb into bed and wake him up with a blowjob. As I got onto the bed he rolled over and let out a huge fart.

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davisjenny81 - 13/06/2016 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, for my dad's birthday, I painted him a picture of the two of us from when I was a baby. The first thing he said was, "Why am I wearing a dress? This sucks." FML

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Anonymous - 13/06/2016 13:58 - Czech Republic

Today, I was with my band first time on stage in gym in our school (we had talent show). Many people in school think I'm an idiot so I wanted show them that I'm big boss. When I came to the stage I stumbled over cable and fell on ground. 500 people - schoolmates and teachers were laughing. FML

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ifeelsad - 13/06/2016 13:52 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my manager published on our message board some "issues that need to be addressed" and listed some petty-not-actually-company-policy things. Everything she wrote was stuff she knows I do all the time that the owner doesn't have a problem with. FML

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Anonymous - 13/06/2016 12:46 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was eating a hamburger naked on my couch and my grandparents came home. FML.

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PoopsIDidItAgain - 13/06/2016 07:54 - United States - Herriman

Today, I had severe gastrointestinal distress before a job interview. I regretted deciding not to cancel when I got that churning stomach feeling in the middle of the interview, and quickly ran out of the room. You could say it was a shitty interview. FML

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okthen... - 13/06/2016 05:19 - United States - San Jose

Today, I learned that my family doesn't invite me to family gatherings. FML.

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doodlerad - 13/06/2016 05:10 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in a middle seat on a 5 hour flight home. The people on either side of me fell asleep. I had to pee. FML

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Anonymous - 13/06/2016 04:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my roomate has been going to the casino everytime i give him my share of the rent. we have been given an eviction notice. FML

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Anonymous - 13/06/2016 03:57 - Canada - Victoria

Today, While riding in the car with my family, something flew in my open window and got caught in my hair. I thought it was a leaf so I pulled it out. It wasn't a leaf. It was a wasp. FML

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Anon - 13/06/2016 03:17 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and I were looking for our lost cat on a hill near our house. Someone called the police on us for "suspicious activity". FML

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nosleep - 13/06/2016 03:00 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, my roster changed. My manager gave herself 30 days straight off and put me on for 30 days straight.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML

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Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

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Today, I bought a car. Made a down payment and everything. Have the papers saying it’s mine, only to find out a few hours later it was sold right before I bought it. FML

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Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML

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Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

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Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

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