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The all-time greatest FMLs

Customer service

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 22:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled, "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 082

You deserved it 2 160

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 082

You deserved it 7 673

Roommates from hell

By WTF - 30/12/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 6 571

Genius

By joshua - 25/01/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today, but he had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can see if he can go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 2 534

Road rage

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 077

You deserved it 34 427

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 12 998

By bakergirl - 16/11/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 3 987

By pedestrian - 26/01/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 4 587

By B-Rizzle - 20/12/2009 13:40 - United States

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 068

You deserved it 3 228

By anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 068

You deserved it 13 546

By Indiana - 16/01/2010 05:14 - Canada

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 9 070

By metallifreak44 - 14/11/2011 13:37 - Canada

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 3 746

By ohgodwhy - 10/02/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 5 144

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 4 345

So, thanks for having me

By kernelkat - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 2 732

Road rage

By Hayley - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 4 665

By peteswentzbass - 26/01/2013 17:18 - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 064

You deserved it 3 414

By jonh_215 - 08/04/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 062

You deserved it 4 010

Help!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 3 161

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 12 517

By ontherun2012 - 14/02/2012 04:22 - United States

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 7 890

By rcarn - 12/06/2015 14:25 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 2 379

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 21:40 - Ireland - Kilkelly

Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 060

You deserved it 1 695

Challenge accepted

By friskeyk14 - 04/10/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 058

You deserved it 19 396

By lovealways22 - 17/07/2012 07:19 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 058

You deserved it 2 845

By Ishii - 07/02/2010 18:58 - Canada

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 3 285

By dBLIZZARD - 09/06/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 4 042

By Shauna - 10/11/2012 09:02 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 4 199

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 3 517

By christmaswillneverend - 02/01/2013 00:18 - United States - Red Lion

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 053

You deserved it 11 628

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The Top

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 901

You deserved it 4 664

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 267

You deserved it 2 479

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 603

Today, the first word out of my date's mouth was, “So, how much money do you make?” That was it. No hi, how are you, or what do you do for fun, or do you prefer cats or dogs, just straight to, “How much money do you make?” Gold-digging timewaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 113

Today, a coworker confided in me that he’s taking a leave of absence to get treatment for alcoholism. I feel for him, but I’m also incredibly jealous. He’s better at our job while drunk than I am while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 207

Today, I found out that my sister is one of those people who thought that "Obamacare" and "The Affordable Care Act" were two different things, and now my niece's health is no longer going to be covered due to upcoming cutbacks. Guess who my sister voted for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 182