The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Jello? Is it pee you're looking for?

By Yudith - 07/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in the bus, my Gatorade bottle's badly screwed cap resulted in my Jello being ruined and yellow Gatorade poured all over myself, the seat, and the floor. It looks like I pissed myself, and I still have to go through a whole building where several of my colleagues live before making it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 267

Fresh air

By Ceecee - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk in the park. I was enjoying the fresh air until my dog spotted a squirrel and took off running. I ended up getting dragged through the mud and had to walk home covered in dirt and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 249

What's worse?

By Feeling unattractive - 11/10/2023 20:00

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating to pictures of Olivia Rodrigo on his computer. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he hasn’t made love to me in weeks because he “couldn’t get horny” or that he’s 38 and apparently sexually attracted to a teenybopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 157

Dr Dolittle

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 16:00

Today, my dog won't stop barking at his own shadow, my cat won't stop purring while kneading on me, and my new kitten won't stop squeaking. It's all very cute, but I can't sleep at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 332

Hammerhead

By Anonymous - 18/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, we have an asshole neighbor who owns a loud muscle car. Another neighbor called the cops on him for constantly revving the engine and breaking the noise ordinance. He now purposefully drives by their house at odd hours of the night to blare his horn and wake everybody up. I live across the road from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 81

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 22:00

Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 298

Dude, are you OK?

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 18:00 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was at work at Walmart, casually walking in the middle of the store, when my foot caught on something, so I went flying forward and yelled, being caught off guard, to the point I had to pretend I was running for 3 seconds, then someone blocked my path so I suddenly had to stop. Everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 345

By FromBerryToE - 02/02/2010 16:47 - France

Today, my boyfriend made spaghetti Bolognese. He put the sauce with the pasta, in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 22:00

Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 2 457

Stoner

By Anonymous - 26/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while still stoned from his dental surgery, my boyfriend told me I give the best blowjobs he’s ever had. My parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 202

Dingus magnet

By Creepmagnet - 07/09/2023 08:00

Today, and every day I go out in public, I apparently have a sign on my back saying, “If you’re a creepy old man, please harass and stare at me.” The best part? No one my own age has ever spared me even a second look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 161

Cruel and unusual

By unfair! - 24/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my brother threw his Switch across the room and broke it. Our parents decided that, "Video games are bad!" and took away my Switch, as well as my gaming PC that I built and paid for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 80

Baby you can't drive your car

By mustanggt - 15/07/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, my car is so unreliable that I received a letter saying that it had been kicked out of the American Automobile Association. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 159

He reaped, you sow

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my grandpa’s estate is being sued. Over his career as a cross country truck driver, he impregnated dozens of women, some of which were underage. Now so many of them are suing, my grandma might lose the house that’s been in our family for generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 130

It's not an age thing, it's an ice thing

By Old - 04/02/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I took a pretty nasty fall on the ice and made noises similar to the ones my dad makes when he's in pain. I am officially becoming old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 158

Dating hell

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 22:00 - United States - Midland

Today, a man I matched with on a dating app told me I was very unattractive but he would let me blow him if I put something over my face and kept all my clothes on. How did I get so lucky? FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 184

Shitty

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 08:00

Today, I can only eat gluten-free food because gluten gives me diarrhea. I’m also vegan, so I bought some vegan cheese and salami to have a mess-free sandwich on the bus. As it turns out, vegan salami consists of 6% gluten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 1 126

Kinda scammy

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I didn’t get a job as a teaching assistant because during my interview, in which I taught a class, I was rated as “not preparing adequate teaching materials in advance”, all because I didn’t provide my own A4 paper. I’m unemployed and the school expected me to buy classroom materials for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 122

Dreams never end

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 97

Poor little bunny

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 04:01

Today, after I warned my son repeatedly that if he wanted a rabbit he had to clean and feed it, I checked on it. It wasn’t just dead, it was dead and rotting in a pool of its own pee and faeces. I yelled at him, but he just shrugged and told me rabbits are boring and he forgot it was even there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 1 998

Cool your jets

By Can't be mad - 21/01/2023 12:00

Today, I was a little grumpy. I tried my best to not take it out on other people, but then I encountered that ONE person who doesn't realize that sometimes people are just in a bad mood, and they proceed to give you a hard time over nothing. That person was my mom. And then later my dad. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 357

Beggars can't be choosers

By I'm grown, damnit! - 21/06/2023 18:00

Today, my mom won't let me have the extra hotel room she booked all to myself, even though it's just me, her, and my sister. Basically I can share a room with her or with my sister, but I can't be alone. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 473

Talking Heads song playing?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 00:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 274

Hard no

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 137

Get me out of here

By Shawn - 18/02/2024 15:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I have polymyositis. A muscle disease. Pretty advanced. I'm only able to work a few hours a week. In 2018 my roommate assaulted me in a drunken blackout. My boss moved me into her windowless garage. She and her husband run a catering business. They steal card tips, and cheat on their taxes. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 132

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law berated me for not being pregnant yet, so I yelled at her that since she guilted us into letting her move into our house, she never goes out, our bedrooms share a wall, and she has the hearing of a bat, none of which helps me or my husband have any sexy time. It’s been 4 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 220

Routine maintenance

By xXCHCKXx - 25/08/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, and for the past few days, my skin has been all blotchy and messed up so I tried a new face mask that was supposed to peel off easily. It ended up sticking to my skin like glue. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to peel it off, one painful sliver at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 150

Life imitates Anime

By Anonymous - 13/07/2023 16:00

Today, I have quite a niche career forging swords, knives, and other weapons for museums. Well today my wife wanted to watch the anime Demon Slayer, we got to the scenes with the insane masked swordsmith, and she burst out laughing like, “Oh my god, you’re twins, grumpy twins!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 239

Great start

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I was rushing to get to work on time and grabbed what I thought was my coffee mug. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized I had grabbed my husband's urinalysis cup. Not quite the morning boost I was expecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 270

Welcome to 2024

By Jollyshitshow - 02/01/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Daventry

Today, on the first day of 2024, I, a healthy 32 year-old, woke up to find I not only pissed the bed, but also shat myself in my sleep. I have no idea what I ate to cause this, nor how I didn't wake up when it was happening. This new year is literally off to a shit start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 158

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The Top

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 10 279

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 553

You deserved it 23 666

Today, while power washing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it could sting me, I aimed the power washer nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as power washing your leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 421

You deserved it 84 384

Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 243

Today, after four days without sleep, I took an entire bottle of melatonin gummies. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 211

Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 114