The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Get that pup out of there!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend is so stubborn, she refuses to admit she hates the dog she insisted she had to have 6 months ago. I also hate dogs, so I told her everything dog-related was her problem, especially the pee/poop. Everyone knows she hates the dog but she still refuses to rehome it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 373

Quit staring

By Insomniac - 15/06/2022 00:00

Today, I was written up at work for "leering at my boss". I'm so sorry for having my eyes sore due to lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 134

Great first impression

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 10:57

Today, I finally spoke to a counsellor about my depression. As soon as the session started, I became so anxious that I could barely speak. Once the Zoom call was finished, I got the distinct impression that she thought I was mentally disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 152

Public speaking is terrifying

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 08:08

Today, in an attempt to face my phobia of public speaking, I accepted an offer to read to a group of elementary school students. It went well, until I reached a rather funny part in the book and completely lost my composure with uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I'll be asked to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 160

Stealth attack

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 16:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was cooking when I got jumped from behind by my friend's cat, who thought my back would make a great lookout perch. Yesterday he tried to sharpen his claws on me. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't look like a tree trunk, but maybe I need glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 177

Caught short

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 16:00

Today, I peed myself pretty bad while waiting for the elevator in my boyfriend’s luxury apartment building, and there was a camera. I ran away, but I was afraid my boyfriend would get fined if I left it, so I tried my best to clean it but I feel like such an idiot now. I really hope they don’t check the camera footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 306

By bleroh - 04/03/2013 11:04 - China

Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet. It’s just a pity that Google is banned in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 220

The dictator

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 00:00 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boss told me not to close my office door. What am I, 12 years-old? FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 128

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 02:00 - United States - Cecil

Today, like every day for the past two years, my aged mother has sat complaining all day loudly about relatives who call too little or too much, about another package being a few days late, or her laptop and TV not working properly. All while I'm trying to quietly work from home. I'm about ready to jump off a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 121

Omar?

By Xander - 24/11/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend watched my favorite show for the first time and was really crazy about this one character. She said she wanted a man like him. The man of my girlfriend's dreams is a fictional gay guy who robs drug dealers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 139

It's hot!

By joyf - 08/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 2 480

Carefree

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 12:00

Today, my wife got rear-ended and won't call the police, file an insurance claim, or send a photo of the wreck. She's too busy boozing it up in the city with her girlfriend. This is going to be an expensive lesson in adulting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 162

Skip intro

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about what happened to me during the day when he stopped me mid-sentence, asked me to skip the middle and to go right to the end of the story, because he could feel himself slowly dying of boredom. Rude much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 816

Didn't think it through

By Mister_FML - 12/08/2020 08:01

Today, I was at my new store, fixing it up. I was about to leave, so I took my clothes off to let the dirty ones dry, as I had other clothes in my car. I walked to the back of my store and the back door locked. The car was locked. I was in my boxers with no phone and no way to go home for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 1 412

It never rains, it pours

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 06:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I got short-changed for a 12-pack of Mountain Dew. but I let it slide, even though they charged me double. i get home and immediately the box exploded and all the cans went falling down a flight of wooden stairs onto concrete. Fourteen stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 225

Fear of mash

By nekos - 02/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mother insists that because I won’t eat my dad’s mashed potatoes, it means I must think he is a bad cook and that I'm a disrespectful little prick. I wouldn’t touch mashed potatoes even if Gordon Ramsay made them, and I was on the brink of starvation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 320

Bad boy

By WheresTheJustice - 15/06/2022 06:00

Today, my ex-boyfriend tried to poison my dog, all because I cheated on him. I’m getting bitched at for “breaking his heart” and “attempting to get him in trouble.” Nobody cares what he did to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 1 262

Bodyshaming

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 14:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 77

Helicopter parents

By I apologize on behalf of my mother - 14/05/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 104

Jealous of Charles Manson? OK dude…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 22:59 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I realized that even the worst criminals have girls falling for them, and meanwhile, I just got ghosted again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 265

Cursed buildings

By investing in earplugs - 23/02/2022 05:59

Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 343

What's the point?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 19:58

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 176

Alexa, play "A Man Needs a Maid" by Neil Young

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 10:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after concluding we're not compatible at all. He said he knew it all along, but he thought I was "good for all the house stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 168

Thanks for your help

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 12:00 - Germany - Emden

Today, I asked a gynecologist if there’s any help for my boobs feeling like giant bruises one week out of three. Her reply was, “If you’re not willing to take pain killers for it, it can’t be that bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 216

Cats are like drugs

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 22:01 - Turkey - Adana

Today, I'd agreed to watch my friend's cats for a few weeks. I'd always promised myself not to become a "crazy cat lady" like her. It's the third day and I danced with the cats and apologised to them for my bad dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 519

What am I doing here?

By Anonymous - 13/06/2022 04:00

Today, I had to write an essay for school explaining what motivates me to study. The more I tried to write it, the more I realized I've been wasting my time going back to school, and I never really wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 194

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 114

Bondage

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 17:30 - United States

Today, my boss had a "team-building" event, which involved a game of trust falls. As I fell backwards, my coworkers failed to catch me, and I crumbled onto the floor. I'm now spending the afternoon in the ER with a sprained ankle, and my boss called to check if I still trust the team. Great bonding experience, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 113

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 22:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 117

It's the monstaaaaah

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 21:30

Today, a 4 year-old saw me and started crying and screaming like heck. I mean, I knew that I didn't look good, but this is too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 103

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Friends Holidays Annoying

The Top

Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 640

You deserved it 751

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 72

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 272

You deserved it 43 285

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 163

You deserved it 16 624

Today, my mother won two tickets in the Hamilton ticket lottery. My siblings joked that we would finally find out who the favorite child is. Who ended up going to the show? My two sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 448

Today, I still can't open my curtains or door without ADHD teenage neighbour screaming my name and waving from my across the road. I moved from a city to this place so I could have a big garden to help my extreme social anxiety. When I go outside, she comes running over. Sometimes she brings her dog, who shits on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 175