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The all-time greatest FMLs

Later…

By Anonymous - 23/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after three weeks of calling the office and telling them how much she needed it, my mom's doctor finally agreed to give her an oxygen tank. She died last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 101

Donor

By Anonymous - 03/07/2023 03:00

Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 182

Protip

By sleepless - 27/05/2022 12:00 - Australia - Epping

Today, after medication, relaxation, sleep hygiene, and various other remedies for my insomnia failed, I've resorted to listening to an alien conspiracy podcast to fall asleep. The content is so insane and his voice is so monotone, I swear my brain shuts down in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 114

Foul

By Embarrassed - 20/01/2023 18:00

Today, I rushed home, barged into the bathroom, and released the biggest, most foul mudmonkeys ever, complete with noises. I came out and my brother and his hot friends, including the one I have a crush on, were all laughing. My brother told me, “Don’t forget to Lysol spray.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 183

Lonely, so lonely

By Gina Marie Lombardi - 31/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized how lonely I am when someone called my number by mistake and I talked with them for 5 minutes. I don’t know who she was, but I'm so lonely I was happy to have someone engage in a conversation, even if it was about her calling the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 127

Don't do favors for strangers

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 19:58

Today, after getting a friend of a friend a job, overnight she turned into Satan, making a job I once loved a hell on earth. I should really try to get to know people before I do them a favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 346

Mind your own business, Cheryl

By A different illness - 21/09/2022 03:30 - United States

Today, I was harshly scolded by a woman who claimed I "can't get over the Covid hysteria" because I was wearing a mask outside in public. I wear a mask whenever I'm outside because of seasonal allergies, and I have not caught Covid since November 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 198

Unreasonable

By Whipped af - 05/10/2023 01:30

Today, my wife forced me to delete a female friend’s number off my phone because she’s jealous of our friendship. She then showed me a demonstration of what will happen if I contact her again, with a photo she got from her Facebook, gasoline, and a match to “make sure we understand each other.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 231

Poor old Kermit

By FrogMyLife - 30/07/2021 15:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 207

Body positivity

By fat…? - 13/07/2022 04:00

Today, when people ask me what I’m doing this summer and I answer that I’m going into plus-size modeling, they rudely say, “Oh, me too,” or, “Oh, my grandma too.” I have an hourglass figure and spent hours on my portfolio, but everyone still thinks I’m just trying to feel better about being fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 389

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/01/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I got the news that my ex-boyfriend from two years ago died in a car crash. My fiancé found me crying in the living room when he came home from work. When he found out why I was inconsolable, he said, "Make sure you say hi to that abusive turd in hell for me, thanks for everything." He is now staying at a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 1 644

Cobblers

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 14:00

Today, my husband is so antisocial that when our cul-de-sac held a street party, he threw a half empty Pepsi out of our bedroom window to make us stop playing music. It hit our local vicar. When I demanded he apologise, he just shouted, "Cobblers to the lot of you", and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 254

Hot lava

By bubba7901 - 19/03/2021 10:59

Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 342

Traffic stop

By Arrested - 25/11/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my brother found out that getting pulled over is technically getting arrested. Almost on cue, we got pulled over because my dad doesn't realize that "stop at a Stop sign" doesn't mean "slow down to a crawl, then go." My brother then started yelling, "WE'RE BEING ARRESTED!" At least the cop thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 177

You all sound the same

By kaitlin - 04/06/2021 14:01

Today, I got my first job interview since the pandemic started, with Dollar Tree. The interview was going great, until I accidentally said ,"Dollar General." Safe to say I’m not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 231

Working for the weekend

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 08:00

Today, I started my first 3-day weekend in over a month after asking for one. I also start the neverending diarrhea and vomit spiral because my stomach can’t handle a little spice. So much for a relaxing 3-day weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 178

Friends like these

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 06:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I found out that my closest friend of many years had been putting on a charade of being my friend, and has decided that they can't be bothered with the effort of me existing any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 108

Enjoy the weekend!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 18:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 98

The mainframe had been haxored

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 126

All over

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 14:01

Today, after I had my wisdom teeth cut out yesterday, so of course I’m in pain. To top it off, I threw my back out today and can’t bend over. So in the end, I’m loopy from pain meds and my back hurts twice as bad as my mouth. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 97

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 18:00

Today, I finally realized my husband sees our son and I as more of a financial burden than actually wanting to provide for us. Well, now what the fuck do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 300

SIKE!

By Scared - 06/07/2021 08:01

Today, in my psychology class, the professor had us write down our name and birthday on one side of the paper and on the other side put down a mental disorder we would like to know more about. I was going to write 'Social anxiety disorder' but I was too worried about what people would think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 257

Downer

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it's my third day of gastroenteritis that’s wreaked havoc on my young family for a full week. More vomit and poo than I care to admit. Coming up to the two year anniversary of my brother taking his own life, just before Xmas. People say it’s a happy time of year. Not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 116

NDA FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 23:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 188

Fairy tale

By Anonymous - 04/12/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my whole office is treating me like a pariah because I rejected the new guy who has autism. I have a history of being domestically abused so why should I date a guy who, by his own admission, loses his temper easily and attacks people? That’s right, I shouldn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 121

It's my face

By Hamza - 02/11/2022 18:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I took my friend to the hospital because he was sick. The doctor started asking me questions, as he thought I was the sick one. When I told him I wasn't sick, my friend was, he said, "You look more sick than him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 124

Going well is it?

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 23:01 - India - Mumbai

Today, I analysed my first mock test for an exam I have to take in 5 months. I got 31/150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 376

What the…?

By lordoftheweird - 29/07/2021 10:59

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 122

Nutty

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 02:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 290

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The Top

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 324

You deserved it 3 801

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 012

You deserved it 34 972

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 508

You deserved it 4 252

Today, my friend is upset with me since I never want to hang out at her house or eat her food. The problem is she has multiple dog beds in her kitchen and a cat litter box under her dining room table. I love her and invite her to hang out other places, but she’s still offended I won’t go to her’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 158

Today, I got my deposit back from my last apartment. The receipt is riddled with math errors. I'd told them I’m an accountant when I moved in, so I redid the receipt in my own time to see how bad they fucked it up. They owe me $400 more due to their mistake, and I’m sure I’ll never see any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 103

Today, I woke up with a dry cough, which is a red flag for COVID. I took a home test, came up positive; went to a doctor, same result. I get home, mask up, and tell my roommates to test. I'm still in the process of telling the family I can't make it for Thanksgiving when my roomies test positive, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 196