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The all-time greatest FMLs

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 14:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 138

Mystery unwanted gift

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 23:59 - Australia - Bendigo

Today, I came back from school camp and really had to go to the toilet. I ran to the nearest one, which was by the principal's office. After I finished, I tried to flush the button. Turns out the water was turned off so it wouldn't flush. I bolted. The principal is now stuck with my unwanted present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 192

**** McGee

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 11:59

Today, thanks to autocorrect on our new company laptops, I sent an email to all staff but when I signed my name, it autocorrected my surname to Nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 182

Time to skedaddle

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 00:02 - United States - Queens

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to date other people, but still wants to be with me. He said, “Yes I want to be with you, but maybe we can both find better.” I found out he’s been texting another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 112

Dental records

By Stephanie Kugelman - 15/07/2022 10:00

Today, it's the sixth day in a row of non-stop migraines, due to grinding my teeth. Medicine works, but doesn't last. A mouth guard offers very little relief, I'm just so stressed out, and I think too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 158

This job sucks

By Rafael - 14/01/2022 20:01

Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 277

Sunshine of my life

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 21:30 - United States - Toledo

Today, while watching a news clip about NASA's Mars helicopter, Ingenuity, my wife asked me if Mars has a sun. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 175

Isn't there someone you forgot to ask?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 02:00

Today, I've come to the realization that my girlfriend's mini Australian Shepherd dictates everything, from a hug and kiss goodbye, to when we try to have sex. The worst part is she won't do anything about it. Looks like another night with the damn dog between us… FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 298

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 02:01

Today, I found out that a girl I had been seeing for two months used her having a brain tumor as an excuse to break up with me. She said she wouldn’t feel good for three months because of treatment, but then a month into "treatment", she posted a picture on a date with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 147

Why would you do that?

By Daughter of the devil - 16/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, right before the most important final of my education, I got a text from my mom saying my house had burned to the ground, and my children were outside waiting for the firemen. I panicked, left school, and sped home… all for her to laugh and tell me it was “just a joke.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 121

The diet plan from hell

By Mustanggt - 01/11/2020 20:01 - United States - Rochester

Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 279

Freaked out

By bby - 16/02/2022 14:00

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 244

CBD FML

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 16:00

Today, I'm planning a long awaited trip to Australia to see family I haven't seen since before the pandemic. I use CBD for pain, and everything I've read contradicts itself. I have no idea if I can take it with me, buy it there, or have to get a prescription or whatever. I guess I'm going to be in pain the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 202

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 17:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 119

Don't ask questions if you might not like the answer

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 00:02

Today, I "hacked" my girlfriend's phone and found out she's been cheating on me for the last 6 months. She's pissed at me because I hacked her phone and invaded her privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 445

She has a bright future in politics

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 12:00

Today, I learned that my "friend" told my other friends that I was homophobic, sexist, and racist. None of that is true and she's just trying to turn everyone against me for no reason. She has also apparently been talking BS behind my back. Worst part is I did nothing to her. I don't know what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 126

The good guy

By Lolli - 29/06/2023 18:00

Today, my now ex-boyfriend posted a status, ranting about how social media ruins relationships and that you can’t have friends anymore without people “hatin’ and shit.” He conveniently left out the part where he and my best friend were sexting via Instagram DMs and got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 138

Mind your own business

By Brian - 12/04/2023 12:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my big sister, all because she doesn't like me having a girlfriend. She said that I either lose her or my girlfriend, and I chose to lose her. She blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 184

Stay at home

By Nataly - 25/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Rahway

Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 380

That autumn smell

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 02:00

Today, my cat vomited down my heater vent. It went very far down. I'm not even sure if I got all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 142

If you can't handle me at my worst…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 00:01

Today, my date got a cold before our date and accidentally took medicine that makes you drowsy before we went out. Two glasses of red later to calm her nerves, she yelled at a waiter, threw her shoe at the chef, then passed out on the table. I’m going to marry this girl, just you watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 332

Social parasites

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 00:01 - United States - Marion

Today, my landlord told me they are making my building non-smoking. The main reason I moved to this old run-down building was it was cheap and I could smoke in my own home, since you can't find that anymore. Oh, they also just increased rent by 20%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 1 061

I'll give you something to mope about

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired from my low-paying, depression-inducing job. At least now I have a "real reason" to be depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 132

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 168

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Like Shit)

By The lights will flicker on...and off... - 18/12/2022 18:00

Today, the massive snowstorm that has been mercilessly attacking my city for the past week started causing random, brief blackouts every 2-5 minutes. I'm very sick, so the last thing I need is for this house to be cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 148

Next time, wait a couple of years

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend met my parents, siblings, and some other family members. Thirty minutes later, he broke up with me and stormed out, yelling no way was he staying with me because they’re all fucking psychotic. He's my second boyfriend driven away by my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 208

Silver linings

By Jessé - 23/11/2021 23:01

Today, after going to the convenience store and getting my card declined, the clerk let me come back home with all the things I'd bought so I could look for money and pay with cash instead, so I went back to pay a few minutes later. Karma paid back the goodwill 3 minutes later by making me burn my left hand with boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 248

All I have to is dream dream dream

By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Randolph

Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 257

Lost in translation

By ThatLove - 28/05/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend lamented that I do not profess my love for him as often and poetically as he does his for me. I try my best, but he's Italian and I am German, and this is not a level playing field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 169

Because I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 194

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The Top

Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 4 800

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 925

You deserved it 3 873

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 725

You deserved it 3 661

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 188

You deserved it 5 709

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 789

You deserved it 4 703

Today, I wanted to entice my crush by being sexy and coy, so I texted him that I wasn't wearing any underwear. He immediately blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 624