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The all-time greatest FMLs

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 20:00

Today, my truck got towed after being parked for ten minutes, even though wasn't in a no parking area. Now I have to pay 500 dollars to get it out of impound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 136

None of your business

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom my husband and I were considering having another baby. She said, "No!" about 30 times. Then later she texted me that she insists on no more kids. I guess I will never have that bonding moment with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 179

Keeping it in the family

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 14:01 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my dad tried to hook me up with someone. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 92

Knock yourself out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 08:00

Today, one of my workmates had threatened to destroy my car completely if I fired him for low performance. I was actually shocked, not because of the threat, but because I don't have a car of my own. I don't know how to drive, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 121

Our insect overlords

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 10:58

Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 77

I'm looking through you

By lesler - 20/07/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, my bartender noticed my new haircut before my live-in boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 223

Like a true Marxist

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 95

Give me strength

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 10:00

Today, my son got back from his solo holiday in Hawaii. I asked him what he did. Apparently, he sat in his suite for 2 weeks, watching shit on his laptop. He spent thousands of pounds, flew thousands of miles to one of the nicest islands in the world, all to stay in his room. He could have done that here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 198

Thanks for your help

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, after sacrificing multiple weekends to help my kid brother with his various projects, I asked him to help me with one of mine. He nearly blew up at the thought of losing an evening of his free time on a simple task, so I postponed it to later, which means never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 125

Bad timing

By pizzaface - 05/06/2021 10:59

Today, I learned that the one face cleaner that actually works for me is no longer being made. I just ran out of the last of my supply last night, and I woke up to find my face completely covered in zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 127

Rolling in it

By Pratik_ra - 01/12/2020 07:58

Today, I got raise at work. It's $3 per month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 146

Break a leg

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 05:01

Today, like every other day of my life, I have hypermobility. I had an important dress and tech rehearsal for a production due to start tomorrow. Guess what day my ankle decided to give out midway down a flight of stairs, leaving my foot rapidly swelling… FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 105

It's not a phase, mom!

By gelly donut - 22/10/2023 20:00

Today, my parents disowned me because I told them I don’t want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 143

STOP. IT. NOW.

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 22:01

Today, it's been four days since I told my husband how much I dislike the term "baby mama". It's also been four days since he started calling me "my baby mama". We don't even have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 154

Getting on

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 00:00

Today, I had to put my glasses on just to scroll Pornhub. I'm officially old and lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 312

Grave error

By spyrogers1677 - 18/11/2022 06:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my job as a funeral director, I fell ass over heels into the grave in front of a hundred mourners and an unamused Catholic priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 162

Time is money

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 18:00

Today, I had a job interview that I had spent hours preparing for it. When I arrived, the interviewer told me the position had been filled already and they forgot to notify me. I wasted a whole fucking day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 87

Brian Cox voice

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 18:00

Today, my mom told me I need to stop yelling and swearing at my girlfriend. Um, OK, first of all mom, she’s my ex because she cheated on me with my best friend since nursery school, and when she turns up drunk at my door at 4 a.m., you can bet I’m going to yell and swear until she goes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 147

Kids are hard work

By Gemma - 07/02/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my boyfriend is only nice to my son to make me happy. Turns out he hates children and will only do the minimum interaction with my 4-year-old son he can get away with, until he can fabricate an excuse to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 459

Unruly meets incompetence

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 91

Overreaching

By Entitled parents suck. - 12/10/2022 10:00

Today, my mother threatened to disown me if I didn't break up with my tattooed girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 150

Mind your own beeswax

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, a stranger at a bird show yelled at me for owning an "unnatural and irresponsibly bred" hybrid lorikeet. He's a rescue who was horribly abused in his last home. Fuck me for giving a shit about animals even if they're not pure I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 117

Exciting

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 102

Welcome to the rest of your life

By no ohhhh - 14/05/2022 02:01

Today, I finally had sex after 3 long years. It lasted less than a minute, followed by 2 hours of talking about anime.. I'm in my 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 478

Drugs

By madela - 28/10/2020 07:56

Today, my daughter admitted that she sometimes forgets her own name upon waking. She’s 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 153

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 423

Fake plates

By Blake - 02/11/2021 10:59 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I received a traffic ticket by mail, presumably for speeding. Not a big deal, if my car hadn't been totalled three months ago. My driver's license is expired, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 157

Some friend…

By Chrissie - 31/03/2023 06:00

Today, I summoned the courage to tell this guy how I felt after weeks of the talking stage. I told him that I wanted to know where this was going. He responded by saying, “This is not going anywhere unless you lose at least 50 pounds… but you’re a great friend with an amazing personality though.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 318

Birthday blues

By Ungrateful Guy - 10/03/2021 08:01

Today, it's my birthday. With all the lockdowns and curfews, my inner introvert was looking forward to enjoying a delicious meal and a bottle or two of wine by myself. My friends had other plans, namely a surprise Zoom party. Nice thought, I'm grateful for my friends, but I hate using Zoom. It went on for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 283

Supply and demand

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I spotted my dad watching a wildlife/nature video. I pointed out to him that the animal on the screen was critically endangered; he rebutted by telling me that it's impossible for the animal on the screen to go extinct because people keep hunting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 117

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The Top

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 439

You deserved it 5 416

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 805

You deserved it 6 531

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 272

You deserved it 61 969

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 088

You deserved it 1 232

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 2 871

Today, I slept through my alarm and got fired for being late for work. My husband had changed my alarm to go off at 8:00PM instead of 8:00AM all because apparently, I was suspected of “conspiracy to cheat” by liking a male friend’s selfie on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 263