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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 08:01 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I just came out of a two-year long depression. I'm finally starting to feel normal, so of course I get a message that my grandmother might have less than a year to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 107

Growing old sucks

By Jaymail - 30/10/2022 06:00

Today, I went to have my ears cleaned out because I’ve been experiencing signs of deafness. Guess what? My ears were already clear. I need hearing aids. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost my hair, some of my sight, and some teeth, so yeah, why not my hearing at this point… FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 123

Drama Llama

By are you fucking kidding me! - 18/08/2022 18:00

Today, I got guilt-tripped into going to eat with my parents and sister. My sister bit into a spicy pepper instead of a mild one, and thought the perfect response would be to shriek, moan, cry, and throw herself to the floor gagging. No she’s not allergic, she’s just a drama queen fishing for a free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 135

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 18:00 - Australia

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was there, I started to get really itchy. Turns out they have 5 cats. Guess what I'm allergic to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 122

Annoying neighbors ruin everything

By so much for relaxing - 21/07/2021 06:01

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 95

Lock him up!

By ffs - 15/10/2022 00:00

Today, my five-year-old son threatened to kill another kid at school. I told the teacher I would have a talk with my son about how that’s not okay. The teacher replied that I’d better call the cops in case he “follows through.” Did I mention the kid is five? FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 238

Not funny, Graham

By Anonymous - 25/10/2023 22:00

Today, I was at the gym when my dad thought it would be funny to push me into the ladies' changing room. Over a dozen naked women didn’t think it was funny. I was slapped twice, police were called, I’m now banned from my favourite gym for life, and even my wife is giving me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 134

Remember me?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 10:00

Today, I have never once been to the most popular club in our city, because the head bouncer is my high school bully and he’s still such a prick he won’t let me inside, and this does include him picking me up in my best clubbing clothes and throwing me into a puddle on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 178

Extreme response

By poordude - 03/04/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that our relationship and economic situation is stressing her out so much that she’d rather end her life or marry a rich dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 150

Blissful ignorance

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 14:00

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the phrase "turn me on" does NOT mean "make me happy." At least not in the context she was using it. She was adamant that her definition was the correct one. I'm not sure I've convinced her what it actually means. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 163

Henchman

By Office bitch - 05/02/2022 04:01

Today, someone left a comment on our company Facebook page, and my manager told me what to respond, but the VP didn’t like it. Guess who’s now suspended for a couple weeks with no pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 111

Spendthrift

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out my significant other has been secretly spending our savings. Inflation was bad enough, but goodbye safety net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 106

Clean

By gag! - 10/12/2022 00:00

Today, my boyfriend complained that I "treat him like a child" by asking him if he’s brushed his teeth before we kiss. Gee maybe if he brushed regularly like a fucking adult, I wouldn’t HAVE to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 228

Stuck

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 01:59 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that I'm not getting a new position I applied for at my company. Now, I have to continue working for my boss, who recently severely criticized my spelling in my reports, only they weren't my reports, and when I pointed this out, she simply never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 104

Alf Garnett

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 02:00

Today, and up until now, I never knew my dad had a racist streak until he found out his usual fish and chip shop had been turned into an Indian takeaway. The language he was using, I had to google what half of the names even meant, since I wasn't born in the '70s. The neighbours definitely heard him, because now they won't talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 139

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 313

Engrossed

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 07:59

Today, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend and I used to have a sex life, and even talked to each other before Elden Ring was released, but I can't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 329

Alexa, play "I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 06:00

Today, I got home and found my husband passed out, lying in the playpen with our 6 month-old climbing all over him. I don’t know how long he’d been asleep, but her nappy was overflowing and she hadn’t been fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 166

WTF dad?

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 01:59

Today, my husband ranted about how children are awful, and parents who claim they love their kids are complete liars, and if everyone admitted that we hated our kids and resented them for existing, there’d be a lot more happy childless couples. We don’t even have kids for him to hate this much. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 248

Shitpants blues

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 02:01

Today, I recently started taking some antidepressants and they have been working really well for me, except for the fact that they have made me crap my pants twice now. Both times in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 91

My new friends

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 18:01 - Germany - Dresden

Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 111

Perfect ending

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 08:01

Today, I met the most amazing man ever, we were surrounded by a bunch of pretty women, but he picked me. He was so romantic and sweet, and when we were about 2 weeks into the relationship, I wanted to introduce him to my mom, when I woke up and it was all a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 200

TLC FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 22:00

Today, the person I was seeing dumped me over text because I “cared too much” and it gave them anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 131

Toxic masculinity

By BigGinge - 10/07/2021 22:01

Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 198

Deez nuts

By I hate my skin - 08/08/2022 21:59 - United States

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 119

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 00:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 253

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 26-year-old woman and I've never had a date for Valentine's Day, never been on a date, or received flowers. This pandemic makes me think I never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 189

Psycho

By dating a psycho - 03/02/2022 08:00

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend was a kid, she enjoyed torturing animals for fun. Nice to know she was lying when she said the idea of harming an animal “makes her sick to her stomach.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 121

Love is hell

By singlepringle - 07/04/2021 10:57 - United States

Today, I was having a chuckle at the girl who used to torment me since she’s on her fourth marriage. Then I realized she’s gotten four handsome, rich men to marry her, while I’m still hopelessly single and haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 386

Stealth move

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, only to find out after about two hours they had moved out without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 169

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The Top

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 075

You deserved it 5 064

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 1 712

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 270

You deserved it 11 217

Today, while on a beach with my boyfriend, with whom I've been with for three years, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 055

You deserved it 244

Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 111

Today, my friend told me to move on from having feelings for her, despite me accepting that we were only friends several months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 162