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Catch 22

By Jobless - 10/12/2016 03:35

Today I was fired from my job. They fired me because they couldn't work around my college schedule. The only reason they hired me was because they were looking for college students and without a job I can't go back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 346

You deserved it 621

By life_suxxx - 06/12/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 343

You deserved it 33 583

By revenueempire - 09/12/2016 21:48

Today, a client says his new website design isn't what he expected at all and wants a full refund or else he will sue me in court. The design is exactly what he picked out when I presented the mock-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 342

You deserved it 522

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 341

You deserved it 67 866

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 06:48 - Australia

Today, I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 338

You deserved it 67 463

Avalanches tells us more.

Avalanches 9

Saturday 1 October 2011 14:18

I cried.

By awesome - 21/09/2010 04:49 - United States

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 337

You deserved it 81 426

By NoFriends - 28/11/2016 02:28 - Australia

Today, I found out that my friends from high school have yearly meet-ups to catch up and talk about what they've done since school. They've done this for 3 years. I havent even been invited once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 337

You deserved it 904

By DemCherries - 28/03/2017 22:00 - United States - Overland Park

Spicy

Today, at my job as a police officer, I had to arrest my own girlfriend for having sex at Walmart. She tried to get me to let her out on the grounds of being "pretty" and dating me. She wants to continue the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 335

You deserved it 571

By spougeineye1 - 03/04/2012 16:37 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized that due to my obsession with House MD, I seem to have subconsciously developed a limp in my right leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 333

You deserved it 29 991

By nerd - 18/06/2009 14:15 - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 330

You deserved it 76 365

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 325

You deserved it 29 234

Confused

By caseyl - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was talking to a friend about the US presidential election and mentioned the UK. She got really confused and told me she'd always thought they were the same country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 324

You deserved it 732

caseyl tells us more.

caseyl 18

Saturday 10 December 2016 20:45

Finland. Can't blame the education, my friend is the kind that chooses to forget everything after passing the exams...

By babydoll13211 - 04/09/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked, then said, "You know he can't swim right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 324

You deserved it 66 357

Check before you wreck

By Kailey - 28/10/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 324

You deserved it 34 005

By negativesoup - 10/11/2016 18:44

Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 321

You deserved it 818

By dumbluck - 16/03/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 321

You deserved it 56 525

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 320

You deserved it 33 831

By Anonymous - 26/03/2012 10:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 30 306

By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Spicy

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 37 658

By erin - 04/02/2010 14:51 - France

Spicy

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cybersex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 316

You deserved it 33 828

Noooooooooo!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrassed my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 315

You deserved it 62 606

By Weak Disposition - 27/04/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 315

You deserved it 29 649

By htx91 - 13/12/2016 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 712

Promotion, huh?

By megs - 10/12/2016 12:49

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 307

You deserved it 1 139

By anonymous - 09/09/2012 06:15 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 307

You deserved it 26 058

By dannij08 - 27/01/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 49 312

You gotta learn

By duh - 27/01/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I sang the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song with a class of thirty 20-somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 302

You deserved it 26 930

Fierce kitty

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Miami

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous!" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 302

You deserved it 32 545

By staringisrude - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 296

You deserved it 64 712

Standards

By "missnettymarie" - 12/05/2017 16:42 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I was told that I wasn't "long-term material" by a guy who has the words "white trash" tattooed across his knuckles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 295

You deserved it 2 309

missnettymarie tells us more.

missnettymarie 25

Saturday 6 May 2017 10:35

Hey OP here. Thanks for all the comments. They seriously made me laugh my ass off haha. The guy was/is actually a really great person and is very kindhearted. They tattoos are in no way an accurate representation of his character. When I made this post I was admitedly feeling all butt hurt and rejected so I guess I decided to be a dirt bag and post about it on social media. In all reality it wasn't that big of a deal and I have definitely since moved on.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

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The Top

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 2 736

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 566

You deserved it 8 844

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 983

You deserved it 2 892

Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 139

Today, I woke up to dozens of messages from friends and family, all asking about a video of me saying something awful. It wasn’t me. It was AI. But try explaining that to my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 76

Today, on my second shift at my job, I was fired for “ruining the communication of coworkers” AKA I don’t speak Spanish. This was known before I was hired and I live in California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 75