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Cranking it

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 12:00

Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 157

The yadda yadda yadda

By Anonymous - 05/05/2026 03:00 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, I was walking around with a friend, who I assumed was beside me, but it turned out she'd left my side minutes ago and hadn’t heard my rambling that some random person had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 184

A bit of an overreaction

By Anonymous - 25/03/2026 12:00

Today, my wife, who I thought was my soulmate, admitted that she only went out on our first date because she'd lost a bet, and she'd thought I was a loser. Even though she kept saying that she really did fall in love with me, I left. My heart is just shattered. I'm not going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 597

Short circuit

By Biker - 22/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I took a “shortcut” on my bike to save five minutes and ended up carrying it up three flights of stairs because the path turned into a locked service entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 151

Red tape

By Bob - 06/12/2025 03:00

Today, after months of looking for a job I had and interview and the guy practically begged me to take the job. Now the staffing agency is railroading me with paperwork and bullshit, so odds are I won’t get the job. Back to Indeed I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 110

Clanker

By Anonymous - 15/12/2025 22:00

Today, I tried to clean my keyboard by turning it upside down and shaking it. Something important apparently fell out, because now the “E” key only works if I smack it hard enough to look like I’m typing angry emails. My coworkers are concerned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 134

Leaked

By ym - 26/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 103

Desperate housewives

By Anonymous - 02/10/2025 00:00

Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 180

Lost and found

By Anonymous - 28/06/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, after I'd spent two weeks planning the perfect proposal at the aquarium, right as I got down on one knee, a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mom! That man dropped something!" Half the people around us started looking around for whatever I'd "lost" instead of watching the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 200

Who am I, really?

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Myrtle Beach

Today, I realized that as both of my sons have been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, they are just like me. I guess that I'm really good at masking or the perimenopausal rage has me questioning my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 96

RIP

By Tracy - 11/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told someone “You too” when they'd said “Sorry for your loss” after I'd mentioned that I recently lost my dog to cancer. I realized what I'd said immediately and tried to fix it by talking more, which somehow made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 154

Tearjerkers

By Embarrassed girl - 08/11/2025 15:00

Today, I met my new neighbor while taking out the trash. Trying to be friendly, I said, “Hey, I think we share a wall!” He replied, “Yeah, I know. I can hear every time you cry while listening to Sufjan Stevens.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 204

Good girl

By Bento DaCosta - 12/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, my dog went on a walk for the first time. 90% of the walk was spent removing leaves and grass from her mouth, and she didn't want to go back home. I think she thinks she's a cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 120

Imposter syndrome

By Useless - 05/06/2026 20:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I worked hard and brought few points to an important meeting at work. All of them were dismissed almost immediately. Now I feel an impostor fraud who gets paid for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 80

Shallow

By John - 09/06/2026 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, my now-ex girlfriend showed me a picture where she was 120lbs overweight and asked me if I would still date her if she ever looked like that again. Being honest, I said “No.” She broke it off with me because of that. Apparently I lack “good moral character” and “it’s giving red flag.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 496

Stans

By Not really a fan - 10/08/2026 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, at the mall, my 89 year-old Grandma went, "Look dear! Aren't they the singing and dancing Chinese girls you like so much?" and "They ARE girls, right?" I had to pull her away fast from the group of die-hard fangirls who were looking at her with murderous intent. She was looking at a BTS standee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 84

Hobby lobby

By Lonely - 20/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I signed up for a pottery class because I wanted a relaxing hobby, but also because I saw the movie "Ghost" recently and it looked chill. My first attempt at a bowl flew off the wheel, hit a shelf, and cracked someone’s finished mug. The instructor nodded at my clay-covered hands and arms, and said, “You’ve got… energy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 130

That's the spirit

By Mom of the day - 20/06/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I'd promised my daughter I’d make her costume for School Spirit Day, so I'd stayed up late hot-gluing fabric, only to now notice that I’d attached the sleeves upside down. She wore it anyway because there was no time to fix it, and I spent the day hoping no other parent would ask where I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 105

New tech

By Anonymous - 05/09/2025 15:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I spent five minutes trying to figure out how to use a new machine at my gym. I finally gave up, muttered, “Screw this thing,” and walked away. A staff member came over, tapped the “ON” button, and the whole thing lit up. He’d been watching the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 341

Hey, how've you been?

By WTF - 14/07/2026 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went up and spoke to someone at my local grocery store because I thought he was my neighbor. We chatted for nearly two minutes before he politely said, "I'm sorry, I have absolutely no idea who you are." I still had to finish shopping in the same aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 156

Slight discrepancy

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I finally beat my personal best on a 10K run. I was so pleased with myself that I forgot to stop my fitness tracker before driving home. According to the app, I finished the last 8 miles at 45 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 129

Are you okay?

By Anonymous - 17/01/2026 15:00

Today, I brewed coffee at 7 a.m., clattered around getting ready, then left for work. An hour later my phone buzzed: “Are you okay? Your front door is wide open.” I’d left the kettle boiling and the door unlocked. The neighbor watered my plants and left a Post-it: “Your cat used the counter as a jungle gym.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 220

Goo

By Anonymous - 22/09/2025 00:00

Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 117

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 03:00

Today, my best friend and I have been friends for over 35 years and now suddenly I don’t have a friend anymore, all because my idiot son got his daughter pregnant then abandoned her, and somehow it’s my fault my son is a deadbeat and I deserve to have a 35 year friendship taken away FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 559

Unilateral decision

By Crap - 20/12/2025 09:00

Today, after reading about microplastics and taking a look at our ratty plastic containers, I tossed them all and spent some money buying some decent glass containers. My wife spent the evening giving me a metric ton of shit because apparently the crappy plastic containers were "sentimental." Fucking spare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 371

The passenger

By Green_Artist_6409 - 02/09/2025 09:00 - India

Today, I travelled to the beach, and I got what I thought was a food crumb in my phone charger port. I poked it around and it was so gross to realize that it was an insect. I removed the bug with a tissue corner, used an old brush to clean the rest up. I panicked and thought it was a bug infestation in my hostel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 156

Small talk is hell

By Anonymous - 22/11/2025 15:00

Today, I got stuck making small talk with a neighbor I barely know. In a panic, I said “Have a good night!” even though it was 10 a.m. She corrected me with, “Morning,” and my brain responded, “Happy… time?” I swear she slowly backed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 182

Schadenfreude

By Anonymous - 05/06/2026 22:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I missed a single letter when reading the Bible at church. Instead of "Hope was rich with immortality", I said "Hope was rich with immorality." Nobody at the funeral noticed, except an anonymous FML user who tried not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 113

Birthday boy

By Pround auntie - 05/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I carefully wrapped my nephew's birthday present so it would look perfect. He thanked me, pushed it aside, and spent the next two hours pretending the empty cardboard box was a spaceship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 142

Threat level: Baked

By Anonymous - 09/08/2026 03:00 - Australia

Today, I opened a bag of flour a little too enthusiastically and it blew up. The resulting cloud of flour set off my smoke alarm. My neighbors then came knocking, wondering if the building was on fire, while I stood there looking like I'd been pranked by a baker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 117

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The Top

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 192

You deserved it 3 311

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 510

You deserved it 17 688

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that, "all Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same." My name is Christopher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 889

You deserved it 267

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 544

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 134

Today, I was babysitting and told the kid we’d make pancakes from scratch. I mixed everything, poured the batter, and waited. They never set. I'd forgot to add flour. The kid looked at the pan, then at me, and said, “Is this soup?” I ordered pizza and tried to spin it as a “fun cooking experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 342