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OP here, first off I am not overweight, just gained about ten pounds shortly out of nowhere. Thank you to all of those who did have health concerns I am looking into all that.

Giga barf

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 06:00

Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 103

By hjkashld - 24/04/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 554

You deserved it 36 553

By torturedears - 05/04/2013 04:20 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 387

You deserved it 6 668

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 870

You deserved it 30 084

Back to black

By drycleanplz - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 13 082

By IBS - 06/05/2014 09:11 - China - Shanghai

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 218

You deserved it 13 197

Freakout

By n_london - 12/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my third story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 35 968

By notyoueallie - 20/08/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 502

You deserved it 3 818

By nothappywithlife - 30/03/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 50

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 142

Doozy

By pained - 02/05/2014 00:23 - United States

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received doesn't actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing my balance and slamming my injured toe into objects, and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 368

You deserved it 4 740

By Wrongword - 17/04/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 683

You deserved it 4 129

Home sweet home

By Anon - 30/04/2014 02:07 - United States - Maidens

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 924

You deserved it 5 048

By CoolStoryBro - 29/03/2013 08:23

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 861

You deserved it 3 600

By fuckbucket14 - 14/04/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 12 143

By DarkMaskDiva - 16/06/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 169

You deserved it 6 155

By enriquegay - 28/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 187

You deserved it 37 554

By Relevance - 13/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 165

You deserved it 7 809

Detection

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 08:01

Today, after falling head over heels for a guy I've been crushing on for the past few months; I discovered that he's gay, dislikes children and I stand absolutely no chance. This isn't even the first time this has happened. I have the worst gaydar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 334

J'accuse !

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 220

You deserved it 3 018

Worst father ever

By Dick. - 13/05/2021 22:01

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 144

By lp525252 - 20/03/2013 10:59 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 895

You deserved it 3 163

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Money Birthday Kids Animals Cats Kittens Cute Dogs Parenting Embarrassing Love Crush Work Painful Sports Awkward Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying My ex Gross School Intimacy NSFW

The Top

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 073

You deserved it 4 918

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 3 866

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 146

You deserved it 2 971

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 212

You deserved it 4 130

Today, I sat down at my computer for the first time in a week, and discovered that my cat had thrown up all over my keyboard. I needed to write up an important document but the chunks were stuck down in the keys, effectively locking it up and making it useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 663

You deserved it 622

Today, I invited my elderly mother to come stay with my husband and I during this outbreak, just until everything calms down. She declined because we said she couldn’t bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a 34 year-old leech who's been living off her for over a year. She refuses to change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 227