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Let it mellow

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 14:00

Today, my 5-year-old got carsick and lost his breakfast all over himself and the back seat. When I got home to clean him off and clean out the car, I discovered that construction workers hit a main water line while working on road expansion at the front of my neighborhood. We won’t have running water until 4 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 120

Be careful, please!

By WolfsScar - 08/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 562

By CandyCrushAddict - 21/09/2013 15:09 - United States - Wilson

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 411

You deserved it 51 177

A for effort

By SkinsCastSelection - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 181

You deserved it 6 449

They tried to make me go to rehab…

By drunkenloser - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my alcoholism reached a new low when I found myself sitting on the toilet drinking a bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 513

You deserved it 39 135

By inchetogb - 15/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 643

You deserved it 3 417

By unhappyelf - 14/11/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 955

You deserved it 2 740

Stop perving

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 04:30 - Ireland

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 605

You deserved it 12 443

By cat co-parent - 03/01/2015 00:11 - Australia

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 637

You deserved it 2 751

Pleased to see me?

By kappaomicron - 19/01/2010 23:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my knob was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 276

You deserved it 6 737

Dog people

By anonymous - 12/12/2021 19:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dog-obsessed wife complained that we never have sex anymore. Call me crazy but constantly hearing her say how dogs are better than husbands, sleeping with three huge dogs in bed every night, and watching her shove her tongue in the dogs’ mouths doesn’t exactly whip me into a sexual frenzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 272

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 413

You deserved it 35 766

Brain worms

By David Ryan - 11/09/2020 10:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking by a neighbour when he said, "Is your dad home?" I swiftly replied, "I'm good thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 384

By RIP - 07/10/2012 18:34 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 710

You deserved it 1 838

By curlyisnogood - 10/01/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 258

You deserved it 3 765

Out of it

By Walker Alldredge - 15/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Ogden

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 548

You deserved it 681

Parenting team

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 05:01

Today, my ex sent me a string of abusive texts about forgetting our daughter's birthday. I have no idea when her birthday is because she left me while pregnant and never told me the date, plus she is 3 and I’ve never met her because the police can’t find where they live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 147

By XxFA1LxX - 06/11/2011 05:14 - Canada

Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 18 108

XxFA1LxX tells us more.

XxFA1LxX 4

Monday 7 November 2011 5:54

It was a deflection. It's not like I was stupid enough to purposely shoot on my own net.

Easyjet

By anonymous - 07/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 181

You deserved it 14 046

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 00:57 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 2 651

Fishing For Love

By FML Videos - 14/10/2018 00:00

Dating is hard.

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 98

Oh, the irony

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street, because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughter's ballet class, I got pulled over two blocks away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 809

You deserved it 118 718

By GotMyBitchBack - 05/09/2013 11:02 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 553

You deserved it 3 054

By BetterThanFake - 13/01/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 429

You deserved it 51 602

By JH - 01/07/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 203

You deserved it 18 003

We live in a society

By tlowbrim - 18/11/2020 02:02

Today, I'm working retail where masks are mandatory. A gentleman comes in with his mask below his chin. I politely say, "Hey dude, if you’re gonna shop here I'm going to need you to keep that mask on properly", to which he replies, "Fuck you, you stupid little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 326

Spooked

By Anonymous - 02/06/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, my wife changed her Facebook status from "Married" to "Widowed". I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 103

You deserved it 5 260

By TattedAsian - 11/01/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked for me to come to her. Then move my head in close to her and close my eyes. Expecting a sweet and romantic kiss I positioned my lips for my surprise. My surprise wasn't a kiss, instead it was a nice crunchy booger she placed in my mouth with her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 033

You deserved it 5 890

TattedAsian tells us more.

TattedAsian 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 0:27

TO ALL: believe it or not my girlfriend is older then me and I'm 22. we have one of those immature/mature relationships. on a scale of 1 to 10 of being mad, I would say I was at an honest 1. on a scale of 1 to 10 of being surprised/humor I was at an all time 10. I got the booger out of my mouth and acted like I placed it in the trash can. 5 minutes later I wiped it on her lips. Not the same but good enough for me. Ive always told her that when you go digging for gold you should always share with the towns people. So she did, lol. I cant blame her cuz I would do the same to her.

Gift of the gab

By Nicole - 13/12/2014 15:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 383

You deserved it 7 302

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 6 548

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The Top

The Top

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 002

You deserved it 4 301

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 208

You deserved it 8 448

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 4 774

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 4 173

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 407

You deserved it 24 217

Today, I woke up after a 16-hour shift, and my back is out. I worked it in order to "enjoy" my 2 days off. I can barely move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 137