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By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - 19/08/2011 22:47 - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 390

You deserved it 9 415

By disturbed - 10/05/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 908

You deserved it 2 754

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 318

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 559

You deserved it 11 132

Spring cleaning

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 196

You deserved it 26 437

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 043

You deserved it 6 591

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 431

You deserved it 40 980

By Jillian Drute - 16/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 395

You deserved it 2 898

By spanishteach - 07/05/2009 14:50 - United States

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 286

You deserved it 13 696

By MC - 15/08/2011 02:51 - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 528

You deserved it 39 645

Suspicious

By GabrielleB - 12/07/2023 06:00

Today, I confronted my 32 year-old boyfriend about texting his 17 year-old female coworker. He says they only talk about “work related things and video games” and not about “sex or anything.” What work related things could they be talking about all day and all night long? They work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 212

By maddiee. - 21/10/2010 15:20 - Indonesia

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 319

You deserved it 7 341

By Jay - 06/05/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 481

You deserved it 3 393

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 175

By SkeetinKeaton - 05/06/2013 15:24 - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 083

You deserved it 14 538

By nosonofmine - 23/06/2012 17:43 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 585

You deserved it 2 875

By Anonymous - 12/08/2011 23:15 - France

Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 484

You deserved it 44 767

By Anonymous - 04/06/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 349

You deserved it 6 160

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 30 365

By arther - 03/06/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 158

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 242

By regstl - 01/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 241

You deserved it 3 329

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 583

You deserved it 5 944

Great mom you got there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 18/06/2012 01:55 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 429

You deserved it 2 304

By Grounded - 17/11/2009 03:47 - Australia

Today, I started my first day as a security guard. After spending three years and $30,000 to become a commercial pilot, only to be told on my yearly medical that I suddenly have type 1 diabetes, and will never fly again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 205

You deserved it 2 221

Yaphukwit tells us more.

Yaphukwit 0

Wednesday 18 November 2009 1:34

Op here, Definatly not a fake, as other posters have said, Type 1 is not exclusive to juveniles. I am 24. I had the symptoms for a few weeks (thirst, tiredness, etc.) but was only diagnosed when i went for my comm pilots medical and they detected it there. And instead of college i chose flight training. So as much as i would love to move to the states, finding a job and someone to sponsor me would be difficult.

By ihatespiders - 05/08/2014 12:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 844

You deserved it 18 873

By anonymous - 16/06/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 3 063

By Ljiljka - 01/08/2014 14:37 - Serbia - Belgrade

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 933

You deserved it 3 784

Ljiljka tells us more.

Ljiljka 9

Tuesday 5 August 2014 23:44

Hey there, OP here! For those of you asking, he has a PhD in biology. He's done crazier and much more dangerous things than this, trust me. If you guys have any other questions, feel free to ask!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 3 868

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Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 2 635

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 815

You deserved it 5 762

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 615

You deserved it 3 954

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year-old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 936

You deserved it 2 581

Today, I realized my mom was right. I should have listened to her and not gotten a pet alligator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 1 723

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 300