The Top

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Private everything, always!

By Unemployed - 31/08/2021 16:01

Today, I received an e-mail telling me the job offer I got last week was rescinded. Apparently, the memes I share on my Instagram page are "tasteless" and don’t fit the company’s values. I forgot my profile is public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 1 950

The customer is always an ass

By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 23:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 420

You deserved it 1 629

By likwidsol - 28/01/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 339

You deserved it 2 604

I'm only sleeping

By Hred - 28/11/2022 14:00

Today, I was excited to sleep in on my day off. My girlfriend woke me up at 6 am. To bring up an argument from a week ago. An argument about salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 125

The butter up

By brokenhearted - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 2 676

By creamed - 20/02/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 079

You deserved it 36 889

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 21:27 - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 266

You deserved it 4 666

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 714

You deserved it 36 828

By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 875

You deserved it 4 788

By Azcrazy - 03/08/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She's been there all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 522

You deserved it 4 018

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 526

You deserved it 38 495

This one simple trick! Doctors hate her!

By Anonymous - 11/06/2020 14:04

Today, I received many compliments from my co-workers on the weight I've lost and how nice I look. I haven't slept for the past month, and eating makes me nauseous. I don't have the heart to tell them my secret is anxiety and depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 144

Quality family time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 003

You deserved it 3 091

By treeless - 24/12/2011 08:11 - Canada

Today, my apartment was broken into. The thief stole my TV, $350, and my Christmas tree. There is still a trail of broken ornaments from my living room to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 903

You deserved it 2 399

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 01:34 - United States - Springville

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 713

You deserved it 2 076

Road rage

By badidea - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 273

You deserved it 10 263

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 4 155

By gjh - 19/01/2009 03:20 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 898

You deserved it 13 419

Always save to the cloud!

By beachedwhale21 - 22/06/2020 05:01

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 274

By K - 16/02/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 568

You deserved it 2 832

Bad omen

By IHateMyJob - 18/01/2009 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 547

You deserved it 2 072

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 041

You deserved it 8 573

Ed Shitren

By tommy - 20/12/2011 22:41 - United States

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 040

You deserved it 5 612

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 2 968

Sibling rivalry

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 23:00

Today, I found out my dad gets my younger brother a Big Gulp from 7/11 every time he mows the yard. I mowed for three years straight and never got anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 209

Good spirited

By Elle - 27/12/2022 18:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 315

By squishy - 11/02/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 480

You deserved it 25 621

Nice view

By Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 881

You deserved it 2 761

By JennaMarie - 26/07/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 419

You deserved it 17 804

By DumbFace714 - 14/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 923

You deserved it 2 827

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 2 454

Today, I hugged my dad. Since I don't hug him very much, he was confused. When I pulled away from him, smiling, he slapped me, saying the smiling and the hug made it look like I was "up to something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 083

You deserved it 6 875

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 502

You deserved it 54 729

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 942

You deserved it 2 884

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 648

You deserved it 292

Today, after 8 years of being guinea-pigged for medical testing that "might work" on my ribcage for chronic pain, I finally caved and tried going to a pain clinic. The doctors' responses mostly consisted of, "That's weird" and, "That doesn't make any sense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 125